thanks so much for the comments. I really appreciate the time you've taken to respond.
I wouldn't feel comfortable posting a pic. I think it also detracts from what I feel I need which is to devalue external opinions of my appearance. I would love to know how to do that. If 1 million people say 'you're ugly' within a society that says 'your value as a woman depends upon your physical attractiveness' then how do you feel good about yourself? Do you actually try to make yourself 'hot' so you get left alone and others value you or do you devalue popular opinion? 'you're ugly' to me doesn't mean 'I don't like your face', it means 'you have no value'. I don't actually want the men themselves - i want their approval. I think I feel that men with negative opinons of me hold enormous power over me. it comes down to the status they hold and the respect they have from other members of society. I don't have much faith in people and I kind of imagine being 'ganged up on' by everyone. I feel that if a guy says i'm ugly - everyone will think i'm worthless too.
Someone asked you why you think you're unattractive, your vague answer simply shows that you don't really know yourself. Try it, describe to us why you think you're unattractive.
It's because I don't think I am. They think I am (the ones who tell me so). I think my 'title' was misleading. I used the word 'unattractive' (like a fact) because i wanted to take 'attractiveness' out of the equation and focus on how a woman can find value in herself outside of common belief that her value is based on her looks. In other words rather than work on my looks, I want to work on 'myself' (internally). Working on my appearance will not change this feeling deep down - it will just mask it with false sense of happiness dervied from receiving approval. I am kind of tired of making an effort with my appearance only to not be looked at. I just feel like a loser all the time when it happens. I only make the effort for that approval. My primary interest in life is male approval. If a man finds me attractive it means I am really worth 'something'.
I have accepted that I will deal with obnoxious guys throughout my life but I want to know how to handle this. Do i make their comments meaningless? do i thump them? should i be angry? should i take a more spiritual approach? i want to do whatever would make me feel less pain.
I don't need to feel beautiful. I need to feel valuable regardless of how I look.