[Criseyde]

HeartfulColourful, first of all, I am so sorry that people have been so cruel to you. There is really no excuse for ever doing that to anybody. EVER.

This is going to sound like a platitude, but it is totally true: the things that complete strangers say to you are NEVER about you. They are ALWAYS about them.

And another thing: there is absolutely no law, it is written objectively nowhere, that your worth hinges solely upon how f***able random men consider you to be. I think almost every woman has struggled with feeling as though it is imperative for her to be able to produce a sexual response in any given man she passes on the street. It is not. It's not even important.

And another: I'm going to edit a quote from John Green here, and I don't think he'd mind because he seems like a really cool dude: the Venn diagram of men who call you ugly and men you do not want to date is a circle.

So now that all that is out of the way... on to your questions.

Originally Posted by HeartfulColourful

.If you were insulted in the street on a semi-regular basis, how would you deal with this? How would you for example, still feel valuable as a person? How do you not go home and cry like a child (which is sadly what I do)?

It would be hard. I don't really know what else to tell you. I can't say "I would just ignore it, and try to create a sense of self worth by 1. understanding that it's not about me and 2. getting involved in something creative, like dance or music or writing or drawing or building things or [insert your hobby of choice], in order to create a sense in myself that I can do important and valuable things that have nothing to do with my looks." I mean, that IS what I would do, I think. But it would be difficult.

Here's another thought, though. I think I largely escaped the body-obsession that many girls had as teenagers because I was a ballet dancer. I never wanted to be professional, so I didn't have the "I must be super thin" thing that a lot of ballet dancers develop. I just had the "I can train my body to do really cool things" thing. I didn't think I was pretty. I wore unfortunate glasses and had unfortunate hair and only a couple boys ever liked me. But I felt like I could do beautiful things -- like my body could move in a way that was beautiful. Even though I was too heavy overall and my breasts were too big and I was too short and I just wasn't good enough to ever be a professional ballerina, I could still do something lovely that most people couldn't do. Have you thought about taking up dancing or sports or something that would make you feel like you're more than just something to look at?

.Would you 'accept' that you are generally not attractive or would you try to make yourself 'hot'? I have tried putting make-up on (eyeliner) and heels etc. but it doesn't do much.

I would never accept that I am "not attractive," but I wouldn't do something to my appearance that felt wrong, or that felt like it was more for other people than it is for me.

.I have had the odd day (not any more) where guys have checked me out. The way I feel when that happens is I feel really valuable, uplifted and worthy but above all I feel 'safe'. I feel that I am 'ok'. How do I feel that way regardless of how much approval I receive?

I don't have anything new to say that I didn't say before.

.Do I just only hang around with girls for the rest of my life? Do I shut out guys/the mainstream completely? How?

Do you want to?