Ive begun listening to affirmations on attracting a mate. before going to bed.
I do believe this helps to some extent, as I love imagining its true. I enjoy it.
(its an app called "attract a mate" haha)
So yesterday I woke up to two guys asking me out:
Guy M invited me to see his performance
Guy R asked me to join him to see another performance.
So what did I do?
I asked guy C, the one Im really interested in to come see Guy M's performance. (Guy C is the handsome man from my post on: 09-06-2011 who I wasnt sure if he was single even though we went out on a date)
To my surprise Guy C immediately responded that he'd love to join me (even though I asked at 4pm and the show was at 7pm).
And it was very fun. Afterwards we went out for a drink, and he began... "you know last time we went out it was kinda weird because it felt like a date...
...and well I have a girlfriend you know..."
me: "
um yes, well I didnt know that..."
you never mentioned that...
But funnily enough right after he said that it was like a big brick wall that had been standing between us, fell. Suddenly the conversation went from our common interests to deep and intimate- we spoke of our desire to have kids, ideas about marriage and alternative ceremonies. past relationships, fears, hopes, repeated patterns we are trying to overcome....
Plus hes pretty funny and I havent laughed so much in ages!
But- Like I said he has a gf. Shes in another country and theyve only been together for 3 months, but Im backing off completely. Not even gonna think about this guy anymore.
Ive made a pact with myself that Im no longer going after what isnt mine.
If a guy tells me hes not available for a relationship and/or doesnt want kids- They are not mine.
I trust the universe to provide me with what belongs to me. Instead of desiring the unavailable and tormenting myself and damaging my self esteem.
My usual pattern would be to keep hoping that he would be mine. And taking every rejection personally. Im so glad I went home feeling not like a victim, but empowered! I made a friend. I shared my true honest self and desired nothing in return!
Im just glad the universe showed me such a great man, not complicated. Romantic. Like monogamy and wants kids. Plus shares a ton of stuff with me. and attraction. Yes, universe I'll order myself something like this....
So this morning I got a call, from one of my last loves (or crushes), he wants to take me out to a restaurant... The only thin is hes married.
No he isnt looking to cheat.
I know that, we had a very special deep connection a few months ago.
We lived together, far from home, for a month in very special circumstances. We both kinda fell for eachother and havent seen eachother since.
He called bc we have to potential to be friends, Soul friends. But only after I decided to let go of whatever isnt mine can we now meet in a "clean" manner. No hidden agendas. Yes I said Id be happy to meet.
And no, I no longer feel any desire to be with him romantically as I did back then.