This may be more work than it's worth (or totally impossible) but what about creating a dummy account for those instances? Rather than deleting the message, you would just re-assign it to a made-up account with a gender neutral name--or just "anonymous". If there was still identifying information you might be able to change the details as well, but just changing the name (and mixing all of the anonymous comments together under one account) might be enough most of the time.
The value of this plan is it honors peoples request for privacy without removing thoughtful conversations. The downside is it puts the onus for protecting people from themselves on you.
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