[clazzimoo]

Hi,

I am a college student who is struggling with school. I have failed a number of courses for the lest 4 semesters. Thinking about how much money I have wasted, I feel really terrible.

I don't consider myself a mentally retarded person or exceedingly stupid. I just do not have any good experience of ever succeeding. Everytime I start a new semester, I told myself that I needed to work longer, focus more, work harder... so much so that I started to neglect friends and family members. Whenever I saw my friends having fun and enjoying themselves, I get envious and bad.. but I thought to myself... I need to fix my school 1st then I can start having fun like they do. But it never happens.. for the last four semesters, by focusing more on studying, I have not achieved any success on my grades. Each failure makes me more nervous about coming to school, not to say being more resistant to school work. I have conditioned myself to think that school is a battle ground.. I don't enjoy doing works anymore and teachers are like enemies who always put me down by giving me bad grades no matter how much effort I have put in.

Last semester I failed yet another course, so I am taking it a little easier this summer semester by taking only a class. That was when I stumbled upon this website a month ago. A lot of the articles really opened my eyes about my bad habits and beliefs. I got to know why I keep failing in school. It really makes me sad that I got to know all these after 2 years of bad experience. Now I am trying to untangle my bad habits, thoughts and beliefs.

For the past week, I have made a commitment to read an article a day, memorize the points and apply them as soon as I read them. I hope this will make me a much better and relaxed student next semester. But I am still really afraid of yet another failure... well, actually I'm kinda immune to them already. I am just afraid that I will fail yet again and i will have to start again. It seems that I will never gain success and that makes me very sad.

The next semester begins in September, and I'm really nervous. I want to make the most of August to learn something for myself. I read Steve's story about graduating in 3 semesters and i would like to try that but I'm doubting my ability to do that. I still do not have a lot of charateristics that Steve had at that time like self-discipline, highly-focused mind, emotional stability, etc. I am still developing those..

I read a book recently and it encourages readers to find mentor(s) to help achieving success a little easier..I am not necessarily looking for one.. I guess I am just looking for someone who wants to lend a listening ear and a helping hand when I desperately need them.. someone who can give sound advice...well... isn't that called a mentor, too? Sorry if I sound desperate. I just knew that I failed the course earlier and I have been crying all day.

Depressed people do not think much when they post a thread, and more so at 4am in the morning.

I am just wondering if anybody has gone through the same experience.. and if you do, I would really love to hear your stories. Or anybody with any tips on what I should do or think now would be greatly appreciated,too.

Thanks a lot, guys..