[medaille]

Sir,

You have a LOT of work to do. You are in a situation where life is beating you on the head with a baseball bat and you are not taking the hint.

You have some beliefs that are going to make it very difficult for you to feel better about your life.

I just really wish i could find something that makes me happy...

The high i get from this drug is the feeling of being loved... Oh how i miss that feeling. . .

Every once in a while, i get a small fix, and it makes me happy. I start to think that i will have more, but it eludes me further.

The first belief that you have is that you can't make yourself happy. You feel you need something outside of you to allow you to feel happy. You are completely dependent on what life gives you as to how happy you are. You are choosing to be a dog. You only get what scraps get put in your bowl. You spend all your time and energy praying to god that the master will put some scraps in your bowl. You are not a dog. You are not helpless. You have overcome many obstacles in your past and you will overcome many obstacles in your future. For heavens sake, grow a spine and make an attempt to get what you want. Stopping being a helpless beggar. What woman would possibly want a man who cannot provide for himself? Why would she want to have to support you in addition to herself?

The second belief is that no one loves you? If you believe that no one loves you, that means only one thing. You don't love yourself. Let me repeat that. You don't love yourself. Think about that for a second. How screwed up is that? That is about a billion times more important than the idea that no woman loves you. You should never, ever be in a situation where no one loves you because you should always be able to love yourself.

Its hard for me to focus my mental abilities when i feel there is no meaning to my life... when i feel like an empty shell.

You said it before:

oh yeah, and no one needs to tell my how much of a baby i am being, cuz trust me, i am rediculously embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being such a ♥♥♥♥♥ (please excuse the profanity).

Yes you are being a ♥♥♥♥♥. I didn't say that you are a ♥♥♥♥♥, but right now you are being a ♥♥♥♥♥. What's making you a ♥♥♥♥♥ is the fact that you are feeling like crap and you are saying, "woe is me, how come nothing changes" and you aren't doing anything to fix your situation.


Action Plan
Tell me what you've done to try and fix your situation. We need to see what you've tried to fix your predicament and how that's worked out. Maybe I'm completely wrong and you've been working your ass off and just haven't seen the results yet.

Here's the most important thing. WHAT DO YOU WANT? All you have to do is figure out what you want and keeping making forward progress in trying to achieve it. I think you have two goals that you should be working on simultaneously. One, you need to figure out how to love yourself or failing that how to become a person that you could love.. Two, you need to figure out how to become the person that your ideal partner could love, then figure out how to give her the fullest opportunity to fall in love with you.

Maybe those aren't the right goals for you. I think they're a good starting point.



So, here are some questions that you should answer truthfully and honestly to help you out with loving yourself.

Who do you want to be?

What would be required for you to be completely satisfied with yourself even if no one else on the planet loved you? If you were on a deserted island (I bet your situation feels kind of like that) with no opportunity of any other person to ever come across, what would be required for you to feel happy in that situation?

Describe the purpose of your life? (I know you said that you felt like you had no purpose in life, so consider that another goal so get out into the world and start trying things to see if any of them resonate with you in any happy way. If your life isn't filled with things that strike you as being part of your purpose than for the love of god, try different things.)

You are not happy with your life, so move towards a happier life.

What are you good at? What do you want to be good at? Then become good at them.



For the second goal, and perhaps the goal that is more likely to help (even though in reality it is for the most part the same goal as the first goal)

Describe your ideal woman. Create her in your imagination so vividly that you run your fingers through her hair and taste her skin. How does she look standing next to you? How does she treat other people? What are her best personality traits? does she have any weaknesses that you find cute and charming? What does she need in her life to be happy?

What kind of man does she want (Hey, that's you!)? What does she need from that man, so that she'll be completely fulfilled? What about that man fills her dreams at night and creates a lust so deep inside of her that she's got a sparkle about her that stays with her through her day? Why does she spend all of her time thinking about him? What does he provide for her? How does he fulfill all her needs? What does he do that makes her feel safe and protected so that she can be completely relaxed and comfortable with him?



Ok, I want you to set time aside and answer these questions. The better you answer these questions, the more you'll understand what you need to do to become the person that you love and to become the person that your soulmate will love. Then create a plan to start becoming that person.