I guess there's a way to gauge what is acceptable conversation to her, but maybe I haven't learned this. Everyone's different. How do you know what is effective and acceptable?
Communicating sexual intent is about risking rejection.
If you focus on the fear of rejection you probably have a vibe that isn't sexy.
If you have the right vibe inside yourself the other stuff falls into place. If you don't have the right vibe inside yourself it's very hard to communicate sexual interest by following some recipe.
Do you have a memory of an experience where you were in flow while you interacted with a girl and everything went well?