Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Generalized Anxiety Disorder

sketchygirl · 08-05-2007, 04:43 PM

Hi. I'm new here and I thought maybe some smart, logical people could give me some insight on this. (Sorry for the length, I just want to vent)

I'm 24 and I consider myself one of the most self-aware people I know. The problem is, I think my view of myself and my abilities is a little skewed and my internal dialogue is rather destructive. Themes keep cropping up, a strong fear of abandonment, mistrust of others, doubting myself, etc, etc. If I think about them, I KNOW why I feel this way, but being aware of the source doesn't seem to prevent me from FEELING so horrible.

After struggling on my own, reading stupid self-help books about "life in your twenties" (It's a Beautiful Lie, The Twenty-Something Crisis - ha) I finally made the decision to go to a psychiatrist and seek some medical help.

It was pretty frightening that, after only about 45 minutes of simple questions, he diagnosed me with "Generalized Anxiety Disorder" and sent me along my merry way with a brand new prescription for Lexapro and Ativan.

I took the stuff for about 40 days and I guess I felt a little better, but mostly I just felt pathetic for taking meds because I know that I'm a stronger person than this. I pitched them, now a month later I feel horrible again. I also couldn't help but feeling it was a bit of the "magic feather" phenomenon and I was tricking myself.

I feel stuck, restless, tormented and just generally unhappy. I've been noticing that the more unhappy I feel, the more I do strange things like rearrange furniture, closets, etc. When I do this I feel soothed, but then feel guilt for not being productive or doing something useful with my time.

I guess I come from a (sort of) objectivist school of thought where my work (art) needs to be at the forefront of my life. Everything that I'm feeling is disagreeing with what I believe my personal philosophy is. I know I'm procrastinating, I know I'm scared and I can't really "get over the hump" so to speak. From an objectivist point of view, the fact that I'm so tied in with my own emotions right now is obviously my downfall. (OBVIOUSLY...)

I guess what I'm wondering is this: has anyone beaten a mental illness without drugs, through their own willpower, and sucessfully. I really do not think drugs are an option for me, but I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out what is a real, and what is my own self destructive voice.

08-05-2007, 04:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
sketchygirl Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: St. Louis Posts: 7	Generalized Anxiety Disorder - most vague diagnosis ever? Hi. I'm new here and I thought maybe some smart, logical people could give me some insight on this. (Sorry for the length, I just want to vent) I'm 24 and I consider myself one of the most self-aware people I know. The problem is, I think my view of myself and my abilities is a little skewed and my internal dialogue is rather destructive. Themes keep cropping up, a strong fear of abandonment, mistrust of others, doubting myself, etc, etc. If I think about them, I KNOW why I feel this way, but being aware of the source doesn't seem to prevent me from FEELING so horrible. After struggling on my own, reading stupid self-help books about "life in your twenties" (It's a Beautiful Lie, The Twenty-Something Crisis - ha) I finally made the decision to go to a psychiatrist and seek some medical help. It was pretty frightening that, after only about 45 minutes of simple questions, he diagnosed me with "Generalized Anxiety Disorder" and sent me along my merry way with a brand new prescription for Lexapro and Ativan. I took the stuff for about 40 days and I guess I felt a little better, but mostly I just felt pathetic for taking meds because I know that I'm a stronger person than this. I pitched them, now a month later I feel horrible again. I also couldn't help but feeling it was a bit of the "magic feather" phenomenon and I was tricking myself. I feel stuck, restless, tormented and just generally unhappy. I've been noticing that the more unhappy I feel, the more I do strange things like rearrange furniture, closets, etc. When I do this I feel soothed, but then feel guilt for not being productive or doing something useful with my time. I guess I come from a (sort of) objectivist school of thought where my work (art) needs to be at the forefront of my life. Everything that I'm feeling is disagreeing with what I believe my personal philosophy is. I know I'm procrastinating, I know I'm scared and I can't really "get over the hump" so to speak. From an objectivist point of view, the fact that I'm so tied in with my own emotions right now is obviously my downfall. (OBVIOUSLY...) I guess what I'm wondering is this: has anyone beaten a mental illness without drugs, through their own willpower, and sucessfully. I really do not think drugs are an option for me, but I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out what is a real, and what is my own self destructive voice.