Two Statutes
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "You want to do it again?" And he replied, "Yes, very much. But this time lets switch positions. This time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head."
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A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a Rabbi were talking one day about how difficult it was to win new converts. Somehow or another, they got in into their heads that the real test would be to witness to an animal. So they all agreed to go out into the wilderness and try to convert a bear. A week later, they met to compare notes.
The Catholic was on crutches, one leg broken, and numerous fractures and contusions all over his body. He said, “It took me some time to find the bear, but when I did, I started reading the Catechism to it. The bear wanted nothing to do with me. It jumped on me and fought for a good long time, until I sprinkled it with Holy Water. The bear suddenly became as meek as a lamb. The Bishop is coming to administer his Confirmation next week.”
The Baptist was in a wheelchair, both legs broken as well as an arm. “I found a bear without any trouble, but when I began to read him the Word of God, he wanted nothing to do with me. We wrestled up one hill and down another, until we came to a creek. I dunked that bear under and baptized him in the name of the Holy Spirit, and lo and behold, that bear became as meek as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus together.”
The Rabbi was in a hospital bed, in a full body cast, an IV in each arm and connected to a cardiac monitor. He said, “Well, now that I look back on it, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to start off with circumcision.”
