I'm sorry. I don't have much in the way of advice, but I will share something with you that has changed my direction and the passion with which I live my life.
For my Dad's 54th birthday I took him skydiving. We waiting on the ground for a couple hours and just watched all the skydivers doin' their thing. They seemed so... full and abundant; I can't really explain it. So, it was finally our turn and the plane ride was of course in slow motion. But, when it came time to jump out of that plane, time stopped. I can't explain to you the feeling, but for me it was an awakening. It was as if someone had slapped me around and said, "Don't you see how fragile life is? Don't you see how you must live every second of it completely?" After that first jump, everything seemed to matter so much more to me. Ten minutes with my kids in the morning before school; a conversation with my friend about love, music, and everything else seemed precious like it never had before. I am a skydiver now, and jump nearly every weekend.
Here's what I think I was "witnessing" at the dropzone that day I made my first jump. Skydivers deal with their mortality on a regular basis. Every time we make a jump we are face to face with death and how fragile and precious our life is. People think we're these crazy adrenaline junkies, but skydiver's don't even speed! Seriously, it puts a whole new perspective on things and life just matters more.
Now, I'm not suggesting that you go make a skydive (I am biased though
). What I'm suggesting is that maybe you are in a place where life doesn't seem all that precious or special. It seems like you're "asleep" in life almost. Skydiving woke me up from my sleepwalking, and so I think that finding something that would do that for you might make a difference. I wish I had better advice for you, and I wish you all the best.