[cbreeze]

Excuse osession, but, need a shoulder or two. I'm immersing myself into trying to think positive thoughts, however, this pain in my gut persists due to the sudden loss and no closure. I'd give anything for him to be mature enough to tell me. It's going to be almost two weeks j told me to leave after so much assurance he wanted me to move in. i agree that i projected my doubts therefore enhancing his. This feels like another death all the well him knowing I was just getting over a loved one's death/depression and I cannot fathom anyone, especially one who cared about me, to dump me. Upon seeing me watering the plants (which used to please him) prodding me inside announcing it won't work and pack what I've brought and be gone. Asking four times he remained silent. Online dating? Was that trip to lake real? And the sudden subscription to Playboy... I said he'd never be happy, but he retorted, I'm happy with you!, but there he came with coffee the next day asking me to leave by noon. After I took all the gifts I threw away and broke/took, along with leaving his key and my ring - that's all she wrote and I can't help but feel that I'm the loser in every way, emotionally, financially, etc. Sad part is I miss him dearly but have never hated like this in my life for I'd never be able to trust his lies anymore nor condone treatment. All I ask is for a reason. WhAt?? WHAT??? My lawyer said file due to emotional abuse. I spoke with a mutual friend of ours to convey to him to not file because I will be. He acted as if I was the one at fault, especially after I said he had everyone fooled, being the sociopathic, narcissist liar he is. But, I still have this gaping hole in my heart - am so used to being with him friday movie night,etc. But I remind myself that while with him he was so bossy and controlling and I questioned wanting to be with him forever. After all I've lost, I deserve a reason. I feel I'll never get. This is a festering wound. Does he feel ANYTHING??? Any comments pls?