In a way it sounds like a lack of belief on your part. When you were younger and you cared less you were able to harness that inner genius and use it to it's full potential without pausing for thought. But peer pressure on your friends side and a certain amount of neglect on your mother's wiped that belief and you started building up all these internal blocks which you now struggle to get past.
Would I be correct in assuming that you might be a little autistic? Such incredible memory capacity is certainly quite a unique and rare trait. Please don't be offended if this isn't the case...
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Please, how do I pick up the pieces from this?
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By starting at the beginning. Now think. What is the next move you have to take. A personal appointment with an advisor, psychologist or teacher? Or sorting out a study plan so you cover all the topics you need to cover? Or even something as simple as taking a deep breath, relaxing and accepting the current moment as it is? Take small steps in a positive direction and you will feel the momentum gradually build up beneath you.