I am a recovering addict with six and half years clean and sober. My first drug I ever tried was marijuana. Looking back, I can see that pot eventually led me to try other drugs as well.
I sometimes rationalized my drug use as a spiritual quest. It wasn't. Getting high was a shortcut that merely hinted at something greater. It was a false promise, because there was never going to be any spiritual growth. Just a slack-jawed stoner who thought they were really connecting to something.
The main thing that kept me from getting clean for so long was that I didn't think I would ever have any fun again. I didn't think that life would be worth living without drugs and booze. I went to some NA meetings and people told me that my life would get better and I would have fun again. I did not believe them.
Eventually I got really miserable though, and I decided to give sobriety a try anyway. I honestly thought I would be miserable forever without my drugs. Of course, I was wrong. My life is awesome today.
Your idea of what is fun will change as you stay sober. I can once again appreciate a fine meal or good conversation. When you're getting high, though, things like that seem stupid and meaningless. Just give me the drugs!
Understand that I truly did not believe I would ever be happy if I got clean. I really didn't think it was possible. So if you are hooked on drugs or alcohol and you think that you are somehow special or different and that the only way you can be happy is to keep using--that is not true. You can find a life of peace and contentment and overcome your addiction.
I have a recovery website
right here if you want to read more.