Hey there toasterwater
In the interests of making you feel better, I will admit to things I would never admit to in person to anyone I know.
I made a complete ass of myself over some guy. At least you were engaged to her, this guy wasn't even ever my boyfriend. That was how bad it was.
Yet I would somehow convince myself that the dregs of attention he gave me was somehow proof that he really did love me, only he didn't know it yet.
We have all, at some point in our lives, made the biggest asses of ourselves in the name of 'love'. We may like to delude ourselves into thinking we are these rational, logical beings in complete control of ourselves but those of us who pride ourselves on our 'logic' & 'rationality' have the furthest to fall when our bloody hearts hijack our peace of mind.
The thing is, your mind knows it's a lost cause but your heart hasn't caught up yet. And as you're now discovering, your heart has its own uncontrollable timetable.
I have no great advice to give you except GIVE UP. You can't control your heart so there's no point berating yourself for it. You're behaving completely pathetically, it's true. It's not the end of the world. You are human and you have feelings. Really, it is a beautiful thing.
Some day you will look back at this time in your life and laugh & feel really embarrassed at the same time. C'est la vie.
I could tell you where I am now, happily in a relationship with a wonderful guy; really, really glad it didn't end up working out with the guy I had thought was THE ONE. But that would probably only be really irritating now.
Best of luck buddy. Also, the fact that you know you're being an ass is GREAT. Really. You have no idea how many people I know who don't even have that awareness. They never self-reflect and are doomed to repeat the same mistake over and over and over. That is not you, I assure you.
Best of luck.
xox
Leela
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