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Originally Posted by blueflame  -I never meant that his fiancee is not capable of love. Everyone is capable, but from the description that was given, it appears that she is not very kind to him and not expressing "healthy love" |
Which is true, but irrelevant: you aren't talking to her.
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Originally Posted by blueflame -Micheal Chui, I don't think I quite understood what you meant when you said persisting was the fantasy that kept people moving from lover to lover. Could you please clarify? |
Believing that The Other Person is at fault means that you find no blame in yourself. Beyond a point of maturity, of course you recognize that blame and flaw exists in both yourself and that Other Person, but most people aren't at that point yet.
I'm not at that point, and I know it; I counteract it by intentionally finding no fault in the other person so that I focus my efforts on myself.
Thinking, "I'm fine. She's the problem. I'll find another girl who'll work out for me," does not help. Because you're still the same person.
You are the problem. You are what needs to be fixed. Who you're dancing with is just a warped funhouse mirror. Different people have different warps; you're still you.
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Originally Posted by blueflame I can also speak from personal experience, that converting anger and negative emotion to physical activity, even a martial art such as Aikido can be very damaging. Anger is a powerful emotion and can push people to stretch themselves past their limits. If you should choose to try this, be careful. |
I have an anger management problem. I have had it as long as I can remember. I have, by and by, learned to deal with it, but an important part of doing so was the discipline afforded to me by training Shotokan Karate for about a decade and learning how to direct force into a physical release that was, at the same time, controlled and deliberate.
One of the best lessons I learned was how to deliver a punch or kick with everything behind it and freeze it a quarter-inch away from the target, usually human.
Stretching past one's limits is precisely what growth is. All growth consists of being broken and then healing on top of it.