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Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina  Yes dating is a good time to discover what you really want in a person. But I still think you can make your list with some critical thinking, as I've known people who never dated but got the relationship of their dreams on the first try. Rare, but it can happen.
In my experience I have found that character is the most important thing because that is what is unlikely to change. |
So then this is a little different than in your blog entry:
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If you are in a relationship right now because you fell into it, it can be difficult to determine if you should stay together or not. If you don’t have your list done before you get into a relationship then there is a tendency to ask, “Is he/she good enough?” You’ve got to use zero-sum thinking. Get fully in touch with your key attributes. Ask yourself, “What qualities must my future mate have in order for me to be happy with them?” Then, and only then, ask yourself if your current partner has those attributes. If you do it the opposite way it will come out like this, “Well, what do I like most about my current partner?” And that way leads the wrong direction. You end up settling for something you may or may not want. In some cases, the bird in the hand is not worth as much as the two in the bush.
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Or maybe you are making a distinction between dating and having a relationship. That to date and not have a "what I'm looking for list" is ok and actually helps one see what qualities to put on the list. But then at some point dating turns into a relationship, to not have a good list will cause the zero-sum thinking and possibly feeling unsure about staying or going.
Yes write more relationship blogs entries! And in specifics I'd be interested in this matter of getting into relationships without a good list and how it goes to resolve these relationships "because you fell into it". Or any posters that have a relationship without a clear list and how they are dealing.