[Ilya]

Meldread,
I wish you a happy birthday, and I should say, that your description fits me, when I was younger. Angela and Ree have given you wonderful advices.

I don't promise that this post will be coherent because it is simply a mass of thoughts and rants that I am simply letting flow.

This is good, like journaling it can make us feel better.

Things haven't turned out as I hoped they would, like I've envisioned.

Is is something specific that haven't turned out like you've envisioned? You don't have to answer here, but just try to make a list of what you don't like.
First, it will vent your frustration. Secondly, it will create a list of written down goals to work on, or a list of project in GTD sense. Finally, at some point you will realize that you have nothing else to write about. And however long this list would be, it will not be your whole life.

Really, it's my entire fault because of lack of clarity. I'm like a drunk driver on the highway of life, wandering around lost and aimless with only the vaguest sense of where I should be heading. I hate it.

It might not sound right to you, but you are still young. Not as young as a 16 year old, but still young. And it is ok not to reach your goals at your age yet. "Yet", being the word here. You are already on your way. It may seem confusing to you at the moment, but you are already going. Some routes take some time, and the road to ourselves is among the longest.

No, really I hate it. I am a capable person. I am intelligent and emotionally strong (well in all the important ways, at least). I know in my heart that I have the capability of doing and becoming anything that I want.

Ok, you don't want to become anything. You want to become someone very specific. You want to become the best you. It is not the same as being everybody.
When we are kids, we have this illusion that we can be best in many things simultaneously. To be a Nobel Prize winner in literature, an astronaut, a great composer, a painter, a traveller, a physicist, a chemist, the wealthiest guy in the world, a catholic priest and a buddist monk.
We can be many of these things by the end of the life. Some great people were great in many areas. But it does not happen overnight, and it does not happen in 25 years. Even when we choose our occupation, we can expect to achieve mastery in about 10 years. For you, 10 years is a huge amount of time, it is almost half of your conscious age.
I'm not much older then you, I'm 27, but I can say that the rate of my development is not slowing down, it is increasing. In my last two years I've done and achieved more then I did in the previous 25 years. But I needed those first 25 years, to have these last two years.
I remember that at some point, I thought that I'm going to be alive in 10 years and in 20 years and much longer actually. I don't mind for some things to take time, if time is needed to do them right.

I digressed somwhat. What I wanted to say is that you didn't find you purpose yet. Purpose is a big word, but it is simple - something you like to do unconditionally. And since we have so many options these days, it may be really frustrating and time consuming to tune into your purpose. You may need to try the things out, you may need to do "nothing" and listen to yourself. This is one of the core questions of PD, really, so don't consider the time you spend searching for your life purpose a waste.

It is not that I don't want to make something of my life; it's that I don't have a clear path to where I want to go. To make matters worse, even the places I want to go, I am not completely sure if I would really like it there when I arrive. As a result, I sit back and just keep riding the ride I'm on and time passes. Life passes. Nothing. I am achieving absolutely nothing.

Life is not about the destinations. It is about the process. This is the other way to state "live in the now" idea. There are a very few destinations out there, that justify miserable route. On the other hand, if you are happy while on the go, you can go anywhere and still have a worthwhile life. So, try to enjoy your current moment.

Of course, it isn't just about achievement it's about challenge as well. I like to be challenged. I like to feel empowered, but in some ways I am really weak. I lack emotional support of friends and family. I have a hugely introverted personality and yet when I picture myself in my minds eye that is not how I see myself at all. (But that is how I am in reality.) Really, this is why I am so down in the dumps. I have mental images of myself that do not match who I really am in reality. No, I don't mean something along the lines of self-delusion; I mean something more along the lines of who I would LIKE to be as compared to what I really am.

Now, that mental image you see, is your goal. It is ok to acknowledge the difference between your desired self and your current self. But it is more useful to focus on the ways how you change to become your desired self, rather than to focus on the fact that you are not there yet.

I am an introvert, for example, but I crave the ability to be extroverted, yet seem to lack the ability to achieve it.

Now, I don't know what you call introvert, but I have to say that this is an invented thing. As any binary division of people, the division between introverts and extroverts is hugely inaccurate. Thinking about it this way forces you to be one or another, without any transitional area.

Even if we think about introvert it does not mean "a shy person", it is not even a synonym. Introvert is a person, who gains energy, when he is alone, and loses the energy when around other people. Being introvert is not good or bad. However, since introverts tend to spend a lot of time with themselves, they have a lot of practice thinking. So it is said that introverts make 60% of gifted people, while they make about 30% of general population.

Being introvert is something that would be hard to change, but there is no real reason, why you should do it. Being introvert does not prohibit anyone from having great social skills, be a star of the parties, speak publicly and so on. And while being introvert may be a given, but all the rest are skills and you can learn them gradually.

I'm an introvert, but I've developed my social skills over time and can be very effective with people. I can conduct seminars, speak in front of people, make girls laugh at the parties, and attract attention of the people when I need it.
So can you. I won't go into details, there are a lot of skill development resources in this area and on Steve's site. Have a look at it.

When I work, I work hard; I throw everything I have into it. I don't like to stop until I am done, but when something takes a long time I simply can't manage it.

I picked this part of the passage, because it is the key here. Some things are not sprints, they are marathons. And sometimes, most of the time for the serious goals, you have to go slower, but steadier in order to succeed.
When I was younger, I've discovered, that I wouldn't start any task if it could not be finished in less then one waking day or a day plus an all nighter. It seriously limited my options. And I had to practice, taking a task and doing it in short daily sessions. It is tough, but can be done.

Of course, there is just so much more. I've allowed myself to be paralyzed by indecision because I want to be "responsible" and make the right choices. In the process, I end up making few if any. It seems silly, yes, but I know I am not the only person who does this - a lot of people do. I am afraid of taking risks because I am both afraid of failure AND success. With success comes responsibility and I fear not being able to handle it, even as I crave it, even as I long for it.

Practice, practice again. There are no bad decisions. If the decision is not obvious straight away, then all outcomes are acceptable. There is always a second chance to fix stuff, if you've messed up. It is better to make more quick decisions then one monumental. It is again about the destination and the route. There is no solution to life and no ultimate decision to be made. It is just the torrent of small relatively unimportant decisions that make up the life.

I feel like I'm being unduly punished. Everything I want in my life seems within my reach, but I seem to lack the ability, for one reason or another, to simply reach out and take it.

True, I've been there. In fact, some of the things you think are easy to get, are not that easy to get at all. And your subconsious may be protecting you from this realization, but not letting you try. This way it puts all things hard and easy outside your reach. If you practice piecemeal execution, I've described above, it won't matter if do not get the result fast. You well get it eventually, while having fun along the way.

It is easy to say: "Well you don't want to be introverted anymore? Well stop it!" If I could stop, then I wouldn't have a problem. All of the problems I have are exclusively my own fault and rest upon my own shoulders, and are within my power to fix and correct, but I seem to lack the ability to do so. I seem to be emotionally trapped and I don't know how to get free.

I hope some ideas, I've wrote about, will show you that most of the problems you are facing are skill-based. It was very empowering for me. You'll still have to do you own stuff, but it helps to know, that the problems you are facing can be solved. And the solution has the beginning, which can be easily started.