I realized the same thing in me, in a more sub/unconscious manner that before.
I agree that most approval seeking isn't coming from outside, but from a refusal to completely accept yourself. When you are satisfied with yourself, you become autonomous; what other people think of you doesn't matter, you're aligned with a higher principle than other people's validation.
I think the key underpinning is actually that of pride, a narcissistic attachment to the secret pleasure one gets from approval. Be willing to surrender the pleasure one gets from approval, and the whole thing collapses on itself. No need to seek approval when it doesn't get you anything anymore
There's also the corollary of being afraid of disapproval, which should be treated in the same way I think; there is some secret pleasure the ego is getting off of the feeling, which is why it persists. It seems paradoxical that the ego gets off of suffering, but it's stupid like that
Still trying to figure it out myself. I've been able to get rid of the coarser aspects of it through spiritual work and releasing the above attachments, but it seems like there's deeper subconscious layers that are still there. Gotta work on them some more
