Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - is Charisma something people are born with?

OptimistPrime · 07-15-2011, 02:25 AM

All jokes aside, I think I know exactly what James is talking about. Last Saturday I tagged along with my mom into several different stores, and I practiced altering my outlook and attitudes around being in a public space and examining how that changed my experiences therein. The mantra I focused on the most was, "Social interaction is a game I play for fun, not one that I play to win." When I started looking at it that way--i.e. focusing on ways that I could have fun with being out in a public place, as opposed to focusing on how I could avoid "losing"--I found that it subtly shifted many different aspects of myself. I felt more at ease in my own skin, more kind and loving toward the strangers I saw around me, less fearful of them, much more comfortable looking/smiling at people and taking in my surroundings generally, etc.

Basically, I felt confident, happy, and care-free. And I definitely could tell that other people were picking up on it, too. At this produce stand we stopped at, the cashier asked me how things were going and made some chit-chat with me, even though my mom was the one buying stuff and paying for it. I honestly can't remember a cashier -ever- conversing with me when I was just tagging along with someone else who was doing the buying/paying.

So, yeah. Looking at it from another perspective, you might say that I was "being charisma." However, I also totally agree with mindsight that charisma is something that's sweetest when you aren't attached to it. Indeed, reading this thread yesterday, I noticed that I had an unexamined belief that being charismatic was necessary for happiness. This is because I had two other unexamined beliefs: 1) that charisma was necessary for me be fawned over by lots of other people (especially people of the opposite sex), and 2) that I needed to be fawned over by lots of other people to be happy. Obviously, neither of these beliefs are true. One can enjoy happiness in lots of different contexts, and being out there socially and being adored by lots of different people is just one context out of many. If I'm going to choose to "be charisma", I'd rather do it because I feel like it than because I think I have to.

07-15-2011, 02:25 AM	#18 (permalink)
OptimistPrime Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Vermont Posts: 726	All jokes aside, I think I know exactly what James is talking about. Last Saturday I tagged along with my mom into several different stores, and I practiced altering my outlook and attitudes around being in a public space and examining how that changed my experiences therein. The mantra I focused on the most was, "Social interaction is a game I play for fun, not one that I play to win." When I started looking at it that way--i.e. focusing on ways that I could have fun with being out in a public place, as opposed to focusing on how I could avoid "losing"--I found that it subtly shifted many different aspects of myself. I felt more at ease in my own skin, more kind and loving toward the strangers I saw around me, less fearful of them, much more comfortable looking/smiling at people and taking in my surroundings generally, etc. Basically, I felt confident, happy, and care-free. And I definitely could tell that other people were picking up on it, too. At this produce stand we stopped at, the cashier asked me how things were going and made some chit-chat with me, even though my mom was the one buying stuff and paying for it. I honestly can't remember a cashier -ever- conversing with me when I was just tagging along with someone else who was doing the buying/paying. So, yeah. Looking at it from another perspective, you might say that I was "being charisma." However, I also totally agree with mindsight that charisma is something that's sweetest when you aren't attached to it. Indeed, reading this thread yesterday, I noticed that I had an unexamined belief that being charismatic was necessary for happiness. This is because I had two other unexamined beliefs: 1) that charisma was necessary for me be fawned over by lots of other people (especially people of the opposite sex), and 2) that I needed to be fawned over by lots of other people to be happy. Obviously, neither of these beliefs are true. One can enjoy happiness in lots of different contexts, and being out there socially and being adored by lots of different people is just one context out of many. If I'm going to choose to "be charisma", I'd rather do it because I feel like it than because I think I have to.