No, you can learn to be confident, charismatic, and witty. In grade school and high school, I had no confidence whatsoever and everything and everyone terrified me. I was like a kicked little puppy (the puppy wants some cuddles now
). As I accumulate more experience, I am turning more into a confident person, and seemingly against my will, I attract people into my life. I have my own quirky sense of humor that I've found that other people enjoy.
For me, the approach was more about updating my self-schema and acknowledging that I do in fact have something valuable to offer people. And I learned this through maturation (mainly being forced to do things that were out of my comfort zone ie. go to university, get a job). I still think of my self as a loner, so I experience some cognitive dissonance when I get people willingly opening up to me and talking to me about their lives. 'What the hell? You want to talk to me? What are you up to?
' At this rate though, I'm sure I'll 'change my mind' at some point in my life and stop thinking of my self as a loner.