Ahh.. here comes a big ramble. However it has no point so there'd be no reason to make another topic in the appropriate section for this. But to answer your question.. if you really care to read all this... rofl. Hmm, I suppose I was a self-proclaimed Christian up to... twelve-ish.
Well, it wasn't any huge transfer of beliefs. There wasn't some huge depression that destroyed my faith. On the contrary, it was quite an enlightenment. I slowly began to "come to my senses"-- please don't be offended by the term-- but that's exactly what it felt like. I realized quite slowly, without much impact to my emotional state, that Christianity, and religion in general, was quite flawed. Especially with the Bible. I spent a few months with immature scorn toward Christianity, laughing in the face of proclaimed Christians and going out of my way to prove them wrong. After this passed, I was still in search of a place to "fit in", despite my slight disdain toward religion. I ended up deciding to become Wiccan, a faith which I had studied on-the-side for a few years. However, I slowly began finding nonalignment with the Wiccan faith as well, once I began digging deeper in both myself and the religion. I found that I was more a generalized pagan. Before that, though, I spent a while considering myself a pure atheist.. Being so young (as I still am) I really didn't have the slightest idea that you could be a pagan and an atheist... or rather, non-theistic, as I prefer, at the same time. Basically-- I don't believe in worshiping a deity, or the existence of one. However, I believe in the existence of souls within all things-- be it animal, plant, or mineral. (One of my major disagreements with the Christian religion, one of the few things which can send me into a mindless rage when speaking to one of them about the topic.. Being an animal-person I don't quite hold my temper when someone insults my passion..) I believe in focusing on the earth, healing the earth, and all things encompassing it, rather than just focusing on humanity. I don't have the "i'll beleive it when I see it" mentality, in fact, quite the opposite-- the "I'll see it when I believe it." I'm a vegetarian, and I consider that part of my spirituality. I believe in possible reincarnation, or perhaps the.. choice to either be a spirit guide for another to to be reincarnated... or something like that.. I'm open to options. But, I defiantly don't believe in a sort of.. "heaven", I think that you definitely move on to somewhere-- no where close to paradise-- and start over. Maybe it's in a hundred years or the next day, I don't really care to know. Either that or you simply... stop existing. I don't believe in Hell, or the devil, for that matter. Alot of other things as well.
Anyway, yeah, there could be other names than "Non- Theistic Pagan" that fit me better, but I've found that when I stop searching for names and just let myself exist as I am without caring for giving it a title... I'm much happier, more successful, and can find my true self much easier... Overall, I've found that most religions restrict my spiritually and disrupt the peace I search for.
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