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Holden McNeil · 11-13-2006, 12:33 PM

Up until age 20 (legal age is 18 in Aussie land) I hadn't had any alcoholic drink whatsoever. I probably tasted wine and beer one time, but it was horrible.

I've been generally shy my whole life, low confidence/self-esteem when it comes to talking to people and being myself, but I'd gotten by up until then. Then I went overseas early Jan-Feb this year, and a couple of new friends i'd made who travelled with me from Aussie land vowed they'd get me drunk and basically "get me out of my shell".

I found alcohol to be an awesome experience for my PD, to be honest. When I was first "tipsy", I found it easy to start talking, and be myself. I was approaching people, I was laughing and joking, and everyone warmed to me. I wasn't used to this at all, and I loved it. It usually takes a long time for me to make close friends (and for them to get to know me), but while under the influence initially, I found this to be the opposite. Socially I felt great for the first time ever. So throughout my 2 months overseas, I readily admit I used it as a crutch to feel more confident socially, and get out of my shell.

I realised it was wrong from the very beginning, though. I knew I was depending on alcohol, and I couldn't keep relying on it. I could see very clearly why people became alcoholics - coz it feels so darn good, stops you thinking so much, stops you worrying, etc. I "experimented" a little more while overseas, and eventually, through alcohol, I realised that socially I had nothing to worry about. I used to stress about 1000's of things, but after being in so many social situations making an absolute fool of myself, being completely authentically me, I could see quite clearly that nothing bad happened, and that being yourself is all that people really want of you. So while sober, I became vastly more confident. It's barely been 9 months since I was in Europe, now I barely drink at all. I drink only when I want to get totally plastered with friends - simply for the fun of it. Not because i need it to feel confident.

So in terms of my personal development, alcohol was a means to an end. What's important is keeping an awareness; knowing when you're using it as a crutch, and when you're not.

11-13-2006, 12:33 PM	#31 (permalink)
Holden McNeil Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 74	My experience~ Up until age 20 (legal age is 18 in Aussie land) I hadn't had any alcoholic drink whatsoever. I probably tasted wine and beer one time, but it was horrible. I've been generally shy my whole life, low confidence/self-esteem when it comes to talking to people and being myself, but I'd gotten by up until then. Then I went overseas early Jan-Feb this year, and a couple of new friends i'd made who travelled with me from Aussie land vowed they'd get me drunk and basically "get me out of my shell". I found alcohol to be an awesome experience for my PD, to be honest. When I was first "tipsy", I found it easy to start talking, and be myself. I was approaching people, I was laughing and joking, and everyone warmed to me. I wasn't used to this at all, and I loved it. It usually takes a long time for me to make close friends (and for them to get to know me), but while under the influence initially, I found this to be the opposite. Socially I felt great for the first time ever. So throughout my 2 months overseas, I readily admit I used it as a crutch to feel more confident socially, and get out of my shell. I realised it was wrong from the very beginning, though. I knew I was depending on alcohol, and I couldn't keep relying on it. I could see very clearly why people became alcoholics - coz it feels so darn good, stops you thinking so much, stops you worrying, etc. I "experimented" a little more while overseas, and eventually, through alcohol, I realised that socially I had nothing to worry about. I used to stress about 1000's of things, but after being in so many social situations making an absolute fool of myself, being completely authentically me, I could see quite clearly that nothing bad happened, and that being yourself is all that people really want of you. So while sober, I became vastly more confident. It's barely been 9 months since I was in Europe, now I barely drink at all. I drink only when I want to get totally plastered with friends - simply for the fun of it. Not because i need it to feel confident. So in terms of my personal development, alcohol was a means to an end. What's important is keeping an awareness; knowing when you're using it as a crutch, and when you're not.