 PD and self-esteem/ego
One thing I've come to realise since reading SP's blog and getting myself into some seriously hardcore lifestyle habits (at one point I was getting up at 6 AM, doing 30 mins cardio upon getting up, eating practically vegan, not drinking, not eating junk food, not watching TV or using the computer, reading a lot, meditating a lot, and basically abstaining from all the "good stuff" - lol =p), that my PD efforts were basically reactive (from feeling low self-esteem) - and that even after doing these things, I still felt insecure about myself, worrying when I might slip (and i did, obviously - I'd actually set all these habits simultaneously!!). I felt that I needed to do these things in order to feel good about myself. (And that if I didn't do these things, then I felt weak, unworthy, etc).
Basically what I'm saying parallels one of Steve's articles, I think it's called "self acceptance vs personal growth" - and it totally resonates with me. I've really come to question whether or not i really need to grow, and I realise that no, I don't actually need to. If you're doing PD to feel good about yourself/because you feel like "you should", to the extent that you would feel low self-esteem/not self-accepting from not doing it, then you're off on the wrong tangent. IMO, you should feel accepting and loving of yourself anyway, regardless of whether you have discipline or not, or whether you exercise every day, or eat vegan, or use 100% of your time effectively. I'm not saying PD doesn't feel good, just that it shouldn't be tied to your ego. You should feel happy and content with yourself regardless - PD simply enhances the quality of your lifestyle. And it should be a completely independent, personal choice. You don't have to, but if you want to, go for it.
This is what i've come to realise over the past few months.
Am i hitting something with anyone?  |