Quote:
Originally Posted by thethinkingboy  at what point to you put up all of the lessons they teach in therapy to make yourself happier in exchange for the tough love a close person may need to avoid self-destruction? |
Hello thinkingboy,
The point is now. Tough love is what is needed now. Not just for your mom but for your own health's sake.
I send my loving greetings to you, you must be going through a rough ride with your mom. She is not only self-destructing but in her doing this you are not letting go, so she affects you an in such a way that you won't be able to focus on your responsibility, which is making your own life functional and yourself happy with positive people that you let in your life.
There is nothing you can do for your mom and the only person who can help her is herself by cleaning up her act, stop the smoking and drinking and start to have the self-respect that she ought to have as a human being that has without a doubt many qualities but which, at present, are dormant and set to inactive during her dependency and addiction. Unfortunately, it's a sickness and should be regarded as such.
Do not get dragged down and make sure you are getting enough positive input in your life, surround yourself with people who are nurturing you and who give you the loving and respectful relationship you deserve. You cannot find it in a woman who has let go of herself and who chooses this destructive life style for herself at the risk of loosing her own loved ones.
You love her, now be tough! Let go.
If you get a chance to read find this book:
Amazon.com: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself: Books: Melody Beattie
If you can afford one, find a mentor who will be able to help you set emotional barriers, and if necessary take action and move so that the geographical aspect makes it hard for you to be reachable.
All the best.