[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I second what Freelancer said, you are being very hard on yourself. Try to give yourself a break because this is a tough situation. I know it sucks and doesn't at all seem like it right now, but it's true that time does help. For the moment, look into that professional help. Just having a real life person to talk to can bring some relief.

Being stationed overseas is always difficult and adding in what you are going through it's doubly hard. I add my well wishes to those that came before. I am sending lots of love to you.