Im in the military, stationed in japan (and have been here for about a year). I came here completely alone, and have not really made any GOOD friends. My fiancee joined the military and got stationed here a few months ago.
Right before she came here, she lost (or, it was supposedly stolen) the $2500engagement ring. Since she has been here, she has cheated on me (she was "talking to" her ex, and saw him a couple of times, and kissed im "once") and ever since then, we have barely seen eachother. I forgave her for cheating on me after I talked to her about it and found out that after she kissed him she promptly left due to it "feeling wrong"... because it was not me. BUT.... she has since then stood me up countless.... countless times, she has seemingly ignored most of my calls/texts, and in general doesnt seem to care about me at all.
I know in my mind that this relationship is garbage, and well... effectively non existant, but i am so desperately lonely over here, that I can't help but to miss her. So i still talk to her, and when she tells me that we will "see eachother tonight" or whenever, i sometimes still believe her, even though she never follows through. The only times i have seen her in the past month are the times that I found her (no, im not stalking her, by found, i just mean that she was home when i came to her door). Even just today i spoke to her and she said that she wanted to see me after work tonight. I didnt expect it to happen (cuz she said the same thing last night, and didnt show) but i called her when i got off work anyway. No answer. I left her a text telling her to call me, but of course, still no answer. And i dont expect i will get one tonight.
I could go into more detail about this relationship, but i think you must get the point by now. The relationship is over. I am her "Ex-Fiancee". But i am still in some sort of twisted denial, so i still try. She will be leaving for Iraq in a couple of months, and she will not come back to this island (except for a couple of weeks) until i am gone, and back in the states.
I already explained that i KNOW the reason i am clinging on to this relationship, or lack thereof.... because i have no one over here... but i cant help but continue to hope, and try to see her.
I dont even know why I am writing this post... i dont really expect someone to have some miracle solution to my problem (oh, if you cant tell by now, my problem is that i am terribly lonely, bored, and feel a crushing lack of love ALL THE TIME).
I could probably predict all of the advice i may or may not get in this post anyway: make friends, get a hobby, do something productive, forget about that girl (or on the opposite side of the coin, talk to that girl), and undoubtedly someone will suggest that i seek professional help before i kill myself (and yes, I am considering seeking counseling from the mental health clinic, but no, unfortunatly i will never have enough balls to kill myself... okay,
maybe that is a fortunate thing, although it doesnt feel all that fortunate right now). [sorry for the paragraph long run on sentence
]
So what do i ask for from you, the helpful, wise, compassionate, sympathetic reader? I HAVE NO IDEA!!!! I have no hope that anything will help, but if you wanna try, at least i will have a little something to occupy my time...
I appologize in advance because i know that i may have just inadvertantly insulted all of you, but i mean no hard feelings.
Here, maybe this will be worth something: PLEASE HELP ME GOD, I AM GOING INSANE FROM LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION AND A LACK OF LOVE! WATER ME PLEASE, CUZ THIS PLANT IS DYING... painfully
oh yeah, and no one needs to tell my how much of a baby i am being, cuz trust me, i am rediculously embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being such a bitch (please excuse the profanity).