[Assistant]

It does matter what other people think of you. It matters in terms such as whether or not you get the job, get the promotion, make the sale, get the date, get invited to the party and so on. What other people think of you affects how they treat you just as what you think of them affects how you treat them.

You can take comfort in knowing that no matter what anybody thinks of you, including yourself, it cannot change your true worth. At the same time, what others think of you and what you think of yourself does affect behavior.

A better goal would be having a healthy perspective and concern for what others think of you. For example, its healthy to have a pleasant appearance but it is unhealthy to have your whole day ruined because someone did not compliment you on your appearance. Its healthy to give your best effort but its unhealthy to try to deceive others into thinking your somebody your not.

Here are some techniques I have found helpful in dealing with my irrational unhealthy emotional thinking about what other people think of me.

1. Meditation
2. Journaling
3. Evaluate and adjust my goals (ie. make mental toughness the goal)
4. Distraction
5. With paper and pen do my ABCs as follows:

A- Adversity: Write down an objective statement of the event that triggered the thinking. For example, so and so laughed at my opinion on x

B- Belief: Write down what you believe about A. This is where you vent. Write it all down. Get it all out of your system.

C- Consequence: Write down the consequences of B. For example, I am angry and depressed, I can't focus, I am losing sleep, etc.

D - Dispute B: Pretend you are someone else. How would you counsel yourself? Write it down. There are many excellent comments in this forum from which to draw. Keeping writing until you get to E.

E - Energized: You have relief and are ready to proceed on a positive course.
Write down the positive course you will proceed on.


Best Wishes