[Solipsist]

If you equate love with pain, then love will equate to pain, for you.

I used to live that experience, myself. This is how I know.

What to do? Find a way to love yourself. Period. Everything else flows from that.

In my case, I had to become so despondent, I prayed for death. That ended up being the cause of me snapping out of it--a la Eckhart Tolle (I discovered later), I put attention into my pain-body, it dissolved a little, and I've been doing it ever since, only to find more joy in my life and in the world, every day. I have since quit smoking pot, quit smoking cigarettes, and I have a girlfriend who is everything I could ever dream of.

My advice is twofold--if you choose to feel pain, really allow yourself to feel it. Don't be half-assed about it.

I'd also advise that you learn to be grateful for those things in your life that are good, and that give you joy. And don't just say "thanks" to the universe, or say Grace before your meals--really feel gratitude. Once you can muster it up, it becomes easier, and you'll cherish those moments when you can feel gratitude. Your life will only change for the better.

Good luck, love, and peace to you. Namaste.