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believe me, you will be hard pressed to find a more independent 25 year old man in almost every respect. [...] therefore i have no allies there to help me intervene.
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It seems that you are so independent to other people that you have nobody to help you.
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i know her personal life is her business but if she is going to be with an abusive chain smoking alcoholic against my strongest warnings
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That isn't the point. It isn't about whether you are right to interfere it is about whether your attempt to interfere helps her, with it doesn't do.
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it's easier not to be judgemental when it's a friend or stranger, but how can you not judge the actions taken by a close loved one, just out of bare concern for their wellfare?
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You fought a battle that you couldn't win, in result you damaged one of the only supporting relationships that she has (with you).
It might have been easy to act that way but it isn't effective.
You can't get a smoker with forceful arguments to stop smoking, especially someone who don't has the will power to fight his addictions.
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at what point to you put up all of the lessons they teach in therapy to make yourself happier in exchange for the tough love a close person may need to avoid self-destruction?
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You can't overpower her feelings