[Sunnybayes]

I did well on the homework, understood it.

Hey look, the good news is, you are not stupid.

You know how to solve problems. You don't have to be a cog and get a job. You can employ yourself. You can be on top.

Well, here's what happened.

You knew the material. But then the test situation induced a subconcious mental pattern into you that took over your thought process. The strong association of the test situation automatically induced the fear circuit and lead to paralysis. So your mind was running that thought process that you'd fail. And you did. Oh well.

I've done that a couple of times.

What a joke. I wish I can have someone to talk to but I have no one. I don't really know anyone in my college even though I go to like the biggest University in the U.S.

Social isolation. I've done it. It sucks. Its hell. Its not natural. It makes you stupid. It makes you in your situation.

I go to UIUC. Its big 10. Its huge. Same situation. Trying too hard. I've failed miserably on some of my physics exams. Sometimes I had gotten the worst grade after I stayed up and studied my ass off. And I'd did the same thing... I did damn fine on the homework. Like what happened to you. My mind just stopped working. I was like... well damn. This just aint coming to me. And then I just sat there, and then I was like... well there is no point now.

I can choose to be happy, chose to be sad, or die. I chose to he happy. It took me a day or so. I had to meditate. I had to feel in my where the pain was coming from, then I got rid of it by saying "its not like that.. its not like that..." until it felt better in my mind at that area.

Hard work is b.s. It does not work. Well at least the "Hard" part. You've got to make it fun.

What really pissed me off the most was my best friend. He'd always be hanging out with his girl friend and having fun with her. And then he'd go and get the best grades in the hardest engineering classes. I was sooo jeaulous that he could have sooo much fun and then get top grades while I was always staying at home studying my ass off and still getting crappy grades.

And then I studied abroad in Hong Kong. I chose to give physics a break. I worked hard on working the girls, knowing how to be social, going out dancing, just getting excercise too by walking around Hong Kong.

And I noticed how I felt smarter all of the sudden.... well about after a month or two. It totally amazed me. Its like I had a brain again. It was amazing.

I am a very good looking male and I get a lot of looks from girls. Right now I think there are 2-3 girls that wants to get with me (come to think of it.... I haven't bothered to talk to them in a long time). But other than that it doesn't help me much, at least not academically.

Take it easy man. Get yourself a girl friend. Go get some of those girls.

I haven't bothered to talk to them in a long time

Damnit, go out there and talk to those girls. Do it man. Make friends with them. It makes you feel like a real person. Like a real human being. Its weird. Its like "oh yea.. this is what real life feels like".

The problem with me is that...I don't go to sleep anymore. I can't, I simply can't because of my workload of the 5 classes that I'm taking. I'm doing well in 4 of them, the 5th one is killing me...literally. I study pretty much all day, all night, until around 4 AM in the morning. Because I have to (I'm already behind), and my final will determine if I pass or fail the class...and I really really really really want to pass the class. So I have to do whatever it takes.

I get up around 8 AM everyday...I get around 3-4 hours of sleep, I'm exhuasted most of the time, and it takes me forever to do my homework regardless of how well rested I am. I can't concentrate that well (although it's a lot better than before), and it takes me forever to read the textbook, not because I read slow but because of comprehension problems (There's lots of math). I don't understand what I just read so I have to read the same paragraph again and again until I get it. It's just the same thing everyday.

I mean what in the hell?? This can't be Life...I literally feel like I'm dying. Like I'm getting weaker and weaker everyday. I don't even rest on weekends anymore....I'm just so damn worried and I can't really drop the class...it's too late.

It's getting pretty bad, my mood is just.....I don't even have a mood anymore. Someone almost ran me over with a motorbike today while they were laughing and I was about to rip their head off. It's just terrible....

Dude, you are a really ambitious engineer aren't you??? You are ****ing dieing because you are not having enough fun. Don't study. Only study getting friends and having fun. Like do nothing but have fun for a month straight. Don't give a crap about your classes any more. What's the point? You've already failed them.

After you've had fun, and then your brain grows back and you feel like a real human being again, learned how to "bang a 10", then step back and evaluate what you are going to do next.
Do you really want to get good grades just so that you can go and be a good cog for some greedy corporation?

How many scientific papers would I have to show you that the best thing for your body and mind is that you go out and just have fun??

And then once you've felt like you are full of friends, then you must have fun for half of your time.

I get around 3-4 hours of sleep, I'm exhuasted most of the time, and it takes me forever to do my homework regardless of how well rested I am.

In fact you are lucky. Now you have to find out how to survive without having to be stuck as a cog in a job. If you can learn how to "bang a 10" then you'd have grown your brain back, would be forced to have fun for a least a couple of months, and you'd have learned some people skills, gain some confidence automatically, and will force you to get out of your depressed mood. Now you really have to grow your brain back and then learn how to be creative. And that if you really want success then you have to have fun while doing it. And then since you are not tied down to some stupid job, cause noone is going to hire you, then you'll have to learn how to deal with people and make them make money for you. You are a lucky bastard. And then you'll have your own business, and you'll be on top, and then you'll have real success. Just look at some bios of the really successful people... they've all had to go through hell, once they've known what hell is, then anything else is a breeze compared to it. Just like Steve Pavlina... just look on his about page.