Quote:
Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}  Could you expound on that? |
Well, I'm talking more about the unspoken or implied rules more than the "I'll be true, till we're blue" explicit promises. My values, and how I see marriage possibly affecting them:
Freedom: "if he really loved me, he would know what I want, would intuitively satisfy my needs, wouldn't look at other women, wouldn't need time apart (abandon me)." Monogamy tends to give people the idea that they are "owed" certain things, and society reinforces that by judging perpetrators harshly. That seems to me to strongly inhibit a sense of Freedom, and to create feelings of resentment (and, incidentally, to encourage the partner to flee or have sex with others to relieve the constraint, and then be called a "cheater" or "betrayer" -- kind of a downward spiral.)
Joy: I know there is joy to be had in marriage. But in many the marriages I've seen, there's a sense that the spouse is responsible for his/her partner's Joy. You know I believe each person is responsible for generating joy in his/her own life, and depending on another to do it for you is a surefire recipe for suffering.
Connection: When you're married, there's a certain amount of taking each other for granted. Wouldn't we generate more connection with our partner if it were not taken for granted? Maybe.
Flow: Marriage makes promises that don't take into account the flow of a lifetime. I promise to be true (and all those other unspoken vows), but it just seems unreasonable to me, especially for a healthy, horny younger person, that you should be expected never to indulge in canoodling with ANY OTHER PERSON, EVER IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. In some cases, the punishment for that is death! Remember the guy in that other thread who said the guy who slept with his brother's wife probably deserved to be killed? Yikes! You can get out of a murder charge if it's a "crime of passion" (e.g., you catch your wife in bed with the pool boy.)
Well, I'm just thinking out loud, you know. It's not like I'm dead-set against monogamy and my thoughts about it are not all negative. As I said, I love my relationship with Danger Man and would prefer that it remain monogamous.