these are the harball responses i was scared of. i took some comfort in feeling "right" in the situation but that is an over-simplification. as for the umbilical cord, it's cut. believe me, you will be hard pressed to find a more independent 25 year old man in almost every respect. but this is a person whom with i have been good friends for the last 5 years. i walked her through her divorce, her first house, her bouts with depression and so much more. i feel like she is my child making silly decisions and i am powerless over her. my family is extremely disfunctional and abusive to each other and to outsiders and i was the first to "get-out" in a manner of speaking; therefore i have no allies there to help me intervene. frankly, a large part of me wants to move on and forget them all but there is a heavy sense of guilt that comes with that. last time i just let things sit, she over did it on the pills and alcohol and the police had to call me. this is why the issue got swept under the rug the first time. i know her personal life is her business but if she is going to be with an abusive chain smoking alcoholic against my strongest warnings, then when she makes an attempt on her life, the police should be calling him, not me; otherwise it becomes my business. it's like this jerk is getting a free ride and i am stuck cleaning the mess. i try to be as loving as possible but i can't pretend i don't see the purple elephant in the middle of the room. what kind of a b.s. relationship is that to have with someone close? it's easier not to be judgemental when it's a friend or stranger, but how can you not judge the actions taken by a close loved one, just out of bare concern for their wellfare? at what point to you put up all of the lessons they teach in therapy to make yourself happier in exchange for the tough love a close person may need to avoid self-destruction?  |