[royster]

In 2009, this wasn't really a website: it was an area51 where Opetero could experiment with Simple Machines Forum data and features. I think Simple Machines just GAVE it to him, they seem to have a good relationship. Opetero (Peter) does things with computers that just make me stare into the headlights and Homer Simpson-out.

There were only five of us, Lady Lilya (not around recently due to her newborn daughter) and Mugwort were about the only occasional visitors. I came out here to play. I could fool around with the various functions and see how they worked. This was the site where we tweaked the 'shout box' for Halfway, and other upgrades that were installed later that year on the main site.

One day Peter was out here, tinkering with some program, and asked if I'd like to see the Administrator's board. I was terrified.

He assured me "the walls are padded, no one will get hurt" so I went through the process of becoming one of the Administrators. Mind you, back then, I was on Windows 98 and still hadn't learned to copy-and-paste. Still in my computer infancy, I snooped around. There was only one or two boards, back then.

My history on Halfway is there for anyone to see; I make no excuses about my own ill-behavior. Much of what I learned from those experiences I have incorporated on Halfpast, and that includes my own behaving-myself.

I left Halfway, feeling rather set-up and framed. It sure looks that way. It doesn't matter: I'm not there, now. When I left, I deleted my account here, too, which meant ALL rights were surrendered.

At some point, after appropriate exchanges with Peter, I asked if I could resume Administrator privileges here, and if I could conduct a website at Halfpast. Cautiously he agreed. Neither Peter nor I are ones to hold ill-will against the other...we're very similar spirits...and relations have warmed again. (I recently got a thank-you from him for sending my DVD for him to watch.)

Figuring out how to build this site with virtually no assistance was a quantum leap in my computer abilities. I sure learned a ton from the experience, but it was trial and error to get things where they'd work right. I write this and think: my whole LIFE was self-taught, the same way I learned how to live in the forest after being raised in Los Angeles. Then I realise: wull, yeah, Beav, but you accomplished it!

Huh. So I did.

What a LUXURY to shrug and say "Huh. So I did." when in fact just months ago I was biting my nails, afraid to click commands for fear the Panama Canal would somehow explode.

Then there was inviting people.

How do I do THAT with diplomacy, discernment, and success?

And THEN...very few responded.

All of those days were so very different from the calm and knowing that's here, now. I needed to stop and take a look back. I really needed to give myself the time and acceptance that I have accomplished something I would never have taken on one year ago. I can only gauge its success by how much I have grown from and with the experience.

And here, on my 54th birthday, I sit in front of the screen, deeply grateful to see good people using the site. A community sharing and exchanging, hearts growing and the "unwanted" safe for the time being...long enough to become strong again, and go out into the world a changed person. A cocoon with processes of metamorphosis filling the air with smells and sound and feelings of change, shedding old, wondering about the new, and flapping newly-sprouted wings for the first time.

YOU members gave me that.

I merely had to have the courage to surmount my fears, learn as best I could, and ask you to be you


so I could be me