hello there, i just joined yesterday and i love this website! i couldn't go much longer without putting up a post about an issue that has been weighing on my conscience; keep in mind, you are only hearing my side of the argument and i will try to represent only the fact.... i said try
a few months back i was sitting down to lunch with my mother and her boyfriend. they have been "dating" on and off for three years and unlike the rest of my family, i have accepted him and we got along great the whole time. my sister is about to have a son so i brought up the topic and told my mother it was time to quit smoking. he is a chain smoker and drinker (he was drinking wine at the table) and quickly interupted saying that my sister was using the "baby as a weapon" to get what she wants (our mother to quit smoking). anyways, for the first time in three years i told him something wasn't his business and i am talking to my mother. he quickly got out of control and the situation escalated. my mother threw ME out.
i came back that night to get some stuff and he was there again, and made threats and tried to fist fight me. i reacted but resisted in the end. she went out to a bar with him and made her choice very clear to me as i had posed the "him or me" challenge to her and lost.
now it's months later and my mother and i have brushed this issue under the rug until we were supposed to meet for lunch last week. i came to her house to pick her up just as i saw him dropping her off. i was very disappointed to see that she was still dealing with this man, and even more so because she had lied and said she was looking at some real estate. as she came in the house stinking of cigarettes, i lost my appetite and left. we had a falling out on the telephone because of our positions. hers being that her personal life is none of my business. mine being that she is a depressed alcoholic who fake-attemped suicide three months ago and should stay away from people who encourage her to smoke and drink.
obviously, there are many more layers to this story but i digress. the last thing i told her was that i couldn't talk to her and i will call her when i am ready. this was after i gave her the "him or me" challenge again, and again, i lost. i came to the house twice since and both mornings the lights were left on from the night before and no one was home so i know she spent the night with this man. it seems i pushed her in the opposite direction as she is spending more time with him now than ever. needless to say, it has taken quite a pounding on my self esteem, but also of my opinion of her.
what should i do? and, who is right?