Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Faces, short essay and question of my current life

Sheeo · 07-18-2007, 01:49 AM

Ok I wrote this short essay, hoped some of you guys might help me out:

What are all of these different faces I put on? Why do I pretend to be a certain person, in a certain situation—but an hour later pretend to be another person, when opposed by a new situation? At some point the faces get intertwined, ambiguous and blurred—they’re no longer that different, and in the end I wonder if they’re all just different aspects of me. But no, why should my persona be like a mathematical equation with several representations? It can’t be true—there must be one true me. Mustn’t there?

I embarked on the quest to find out about that years ago, and I thought I had made progress but now it seems I haven’t—I’m stuck at square one, with 7 faces or above. I have the face that I hear in my thoughts—it’s the one I believe as being me. I have the face I use for social appearances with friends that I drink with—it’s a slightly more cynical, close-minded and social face, one that requires alcohol and spontaneous action to function optimally. I have the face that I use for other social appearances, with friends that are more decent and down-to-earth—it’s my face of happiness and pretending to be calm when not. I have the face I use in front of my family, an easily aggravated face that won’t hesitate to shout to get its way. I also have a face for my class; it’s a special one that’s used to trying to prove itself when really everyone’s just laughing at it, anyway. I have a face I put on when talking online—cynical know-it-all programming nerd, pretty much describes it. Finally I have a face I put up on front of any girlfriend, loving, kind and content, selfless and generally happy.

Blending of these happens all the time, and the worst part is when two situations requiring two different faces occur—clash of the titans, or should I say just faces. What happens is that the strongest face prevails, unfortunately. Will this face war ever end, or am I stuck in some sort of immature loop? Why can’t I shine out and be truly myself, if there even is a “me” somewhere in here?

Lots of questions here. Frankly, it’s because I haven’t yet found any answers. I wish someone would guide me out of this.

07-18-2007, 01:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sheeo Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 13	Faces, short essay and question of my current life Ok I wrote this short essay, hoped some of you guys might help me out: What are all of these different faces I put on? Why do I pretend to be a certain person, in a certain situation—but an hour later pretend to be another person, when opposed by a new situation? At some point the faces get intertwined, ambiguous and blurred—they’re no longer that different, and in the end I wonder if they’re all just different aspects of me. But no, why should my persona be like a mathematical equation with several representations? It can’t be true—there must be one true me. Mustn’t there? I embarked on the quest to find out about that years ago, and I thought I had made progress but now it seems I haven’t—I’m stuck at square one, with 7 faces or above. I have the face that I hear in my thoughts—it’s the one I believe as being me. I have the face I use for social appearances with friends that I drink with—it’s a slightly more cynical, close-minded and social face, one that requires alcohol and spontaneous action to function optimally. I have the face that I use for other social appearances, with friends that are more decent and down-to-earth—it’s my face of happiness and pretending to be calm when not. I have the face I use in front of my family, an easily aggravated face that won’t hesitate to shout to get its way. I also have a face for my class; it’s a special one that’s used to trying to prove itself when really everyone’s just laughing at it, anyway. I have a face I put on when talking online—cynical know-it-all programming nerd, pretty much describes it. Finally I have a face I put up on front of any girlfriend, loving, kind and content, selfless and generally happy. Blending of these happens all the time, and the worst part is when two situations requiring two different faces occur—clash of the titans, or should I say just faces. What happens is that the strongest face prevails, unfortunately. Will this face war ever end, or am I stuck in some sort of immature loop? Why can’t I shine out and be truly myself, if there even is a “me” somewhere in here? Lots of questions here. Frankly, it’s because I haven’t yet found any answers. I wish someone would guide me out of this.