Wow, idave/imark, reading your posts really hit home for me. In many ways, I might have even written the exact same things, with a few vital exceptions: that I’ve only been married for 5 years, we don’t have any kids yet, and in my case, there is no ‘old flame,’ but rather, just the deep, uneasy feeling that I am committed to a relationship which I see no future for.
Like idave/imark says about his wife, I also have a great deal of love of my husband, but lack the passion that my husband seems to hold towards me. Over the years, we have built a solid foundation of emotional detachment, and poor communication, leaving our intimate/physical, emotional, and practical lives wanting. I too feel doubtful that I have ever truly loved my husband as deeply as he does me. When we married, there were many practical/logical reasons to do so, as well as numerous family/social pressures, and with hindsight being 20/20, I know that I made a young/immature decision to vow myself to a lifelong commitment without truly knowing more about myself and the person I was committing to.
Similarly to idave/imark, I also realize that my reality is one of conflict. I see lychee’s point very clearly in my life, and I am painfully aware of the commitment that I made. At the same time, I feel like I am at a total loss on how to feel joyful and passionate in this relationship. I have tried the brutally honest conversations with him recently, but we are just left with deep hurt, and no answers. I’ve also tried inspiring the love and passion in my heart through couples counseling exercises and workbooks, but if anything, those realizations (and the accompanying personal growth) have solidified my desire to grow independently and outside/beyond the barriers of this relationship. I will quote idave/imark here, “The reason I should stay with [him], though, is not because I love [him] deeply (I do love [him]), but because I don't want to hurt [him] so deeply…. I love my [husband], I have tremendous affection for [him], but I can never love [him] the way [he] loves me.” I do feel like I’m living a lie, and I feel horrible both for not loving him as deeply as he loves me, and for the sense of failure I feel when I consider the idea of leaving.
Thanks to JHL, earlybird, lychee, joe826 and kamma for your input and feedback into the situation, they have been very insightful for me as well. Please feel free to add if you have any insights into my situation.
idave/imark, how are things going, anything worth updating us on?
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