You know, Oceanman, I think it is a great thing to keep dating during these periods. I have actually heard that it is a good way to reduce the tension, and I too have begun dating - casually. There is no need to "push" for anything serious, especially when there is someone else in your heart.
In the end, it has not harmed your friendship with your ex that this new thing has arisen. That is a lie that she is telling herself. It may have effected the KIND of friendship you can have right now. You are right to protect in the ways you must. If you cannot speak with her while she is with other men, then don't. As my mother always said, "maintain personal dignity," and I too find it hard to maintain when talking to an ex who is with someone new. That she is missing your friendship says something. She is missing you!
That is not said to keep you "hanging on," but, to my mind, I must add, you do not know what will be! If you truly can envision in your mind, you becoming a more healthy, stable, independent version of yourself, and you can continue seeing your own value, dating, not becoming co-dependent on another relationship, etc., and yet, you can TRULY envision her missing you and coming around. You can see the ENTIRE thing happening from start to finish: She misses you calling, starts reflecting on why, realizes what is not right about this new relationship, you have both healed the hurts of your first "go around," etc. and she calls you to say she has ended it with this man and wants you back, then it will probably be so. If, however, your fears are a block - that she might not, that this guy is better for her, etc., she probably won't. I am praying for you and am very proud of the peace and progress you are displaying.
In the meantime, you don't need to listen to the negative things she gives to you. You only need listen to yourself. Is she the woman for you? Is this right? Can this be corrected? Do you REALLY want her back or is this just about the bruising of egos that happens when an ex moves on? If she is the one, and you are certain, don't let this new relationship bruise your ego. Remember, it is most likely her relationship with this man that will make a new relationship with you possible - she will see what she loved about you, she will not wish to go back out there again, she will see how you have changed, and will remember all the things you shared. He is just a log in your river. Float on by him, and feel assured she will return. If you aren't sure if she is the one, and this new woman feels more your pace, realize you might be holding on to her to restore your ego. Let it go, and realize you did so the last time for good reasons. Do not mourn her being with someone else. See the love and happiness she is sharing with someone else as your green light to go on and enjoy your life. You are free from the guilt of having let her go. All thoughts and prayers to you! Love and luck, MM19.