[MM19]

I just want to say, this post was very cathartic for me. To give you some insight, I am currently in the position your ex was in when you ended the relationship. My ex had been waivering about our relationship for a little over a year. I was ready, and he wasn't sure he was ready. When he ended the relationship, he told me he wasn't sure he could end it if he thought it was forever, that he still loved me, but just felt he needed "to go at it alone" for a while. He is already seeing other women, but his family is still contacting me, as is he, and it is rough.

So, here are my thoughts, from a woman in her position: If my ex were to come back, which I think he might, I would be much like she is. It is very difficult to get back out there, but do you think she is really IN LOVE with this guy if she is keeping you on the back burner. No. If she was, she would tell you to back off and it was over, that you had your chance. Ironically, when I got together with this recent ex, my former ex called to tell me he wanted me back. I told him I really cared about him, but that I was moving on with my life, and wished all the best for him. THAT is what you do when you think your new man is really "better for you" than the ex.

What I think might be happening here is she finally "moved on." Her friends/family probably encouraged her to do so for a very long time, but she still held out hope until she thought you were gone. Painful process, and in a way, it is always our biggest hope/fear that the ex will "re-enter" the picture, just when you have done so. This man probably makes her feel loved, cherished, and like he is not going to leave her - safety. After a year of "riding the fence" with you, she probably would feel an idiot just to hop back in without putting you "to the test."

THAT SAID - she is putting you to the test, and probably has a lot of hurt/anger about the past. Do not give her too much power. You have told her how you feel. You have explained why to the best of your abilities. She may just be using her relationship with this guy as ammunition right now. The best revenge, you know? So, maybe don't watch the dog, and don't make yourself too accessible, but when she calls, talk to her. Don't beg, plead, apologize, etc. All you needed/wanted to say has been said. If you act the victim now, to her relationship with this man, etc., she won't respect you and will take this as a power for her own forward propulsion. Instead, do do everything to make yourself the man you weren't when you were with her.

If you were worried, while in the relationship about all she was not, chances are whatever criticisms you had of her, were actually criticisms of yourself. If you thought, for example, she wasn't smart enough, sexy enough, exciting enough, financially stable enough, etc. Most likely, those are qualities in you you need to work on. So do it! While you are busy making yourself the best man you can be, instead of focusing on winning her back, she WILL have you in the back of her mind, and will be comparing him to you. AND TRUST ME, you two have WAY more history, way more memories to look back on. With time, all the bad stuff starts to fade away, and he won't be her "hero" saving her from feeling unsafe. Most likely, once you do that, you will get a call. Just be sure you are ready for it - all of it!

Make sure your finances are in order, your house is organized, you have a great group of friends, you are in shape, you have new and interesting extra-curricular activities to discuss, read a few books, etc. IF she comes back, she is probably not looking just to settle into the relationship as it was before the break, but somewhere a bit more serious. Prepare yourself and all will be fine! ALL LOVE AND LUCK!!!! Must admit, selfishly, I REALLY HOPE IT WORKS OUT WITH YOU TWO! Would be an inspiration for me right now!