Why judge at all?
Outcome indepedance applies to relationships of all kinds. Life is not a chore, it is something to be experienced.
You're absolutely right that what people say, especially in the context of a relationship, often has no correlation to the real world. But the fact that you feel you have to "trust" people's words means you're acting in a logical, fear based, controlling way. Relationships are not something to be controlled, they are organic, they grow, they flow. If someone is hurting you, you owe it to yourself to take care of that. But it doesn't require feeling betrayed, it doesn't require becoming controlling or becoming critical.
What I do is I release my expectations, I don't judge, I don't think ahead. I try to present myself in a totally genuine way, and as part of this, I show people that I can't tolerate lies or abuse because I expect to be treated with sincerity. If i'm not, it's not a big deal, I handle it. First by being honest in a non-judgemental way, then by simply cutting them out of my life.
"Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices." - Benjamin Franklin
When I meet a new person I place no expectations on them and don't judge their behaviour. Our time together in the world lasts as long as it lasts and parting is not a tragedy, if that's what it comes to.
I suppose my view on this is fairly odd, since as a part of this I don't really believe in "commitment" or forced monogamy. But this frame has made my relationships much more rewarding and it feels very congruent with my inner beliefs and the universe as a whole.
I see this kind of attitude as the opposite of the typical control based attitude - where partners claim each other and make logical commitments to stay together despite changing personalities and emotions. The typical social view on relationships seems to be rooted deeply in a scarcity based frame.  |