Hi,
Dealing with a chronic illness is always going to be difficult and emotionally draining but it also brings with it a chance to change and grow. When I was ill I told myself that every extra day the illness stayed with me I was getting stronger mentally. It's no fun and there was plenty of despair but it pushes you to rethink your view of life - it seems you are already asking questions about spirituality etc. Also never give up hope of recovery and healing - no matter now bad things seem, there are people out there who can help you, whether they're doctors, alternative healers etc.
This line from the prophet says it more succintly than I can!
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
- Kahlil Gibran
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