I've just done it. And here's my journaling session. Interesting, that I supposed it to be a long personal story, but what I've eventually written sounds like a direct answer, which is not offtopic.
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Why do you want to be enlightened?
For me, to be enlightened means "to know everything, to know the ultimate truth". Seems, like everyone seeks this knowledge. So, why do I? What is the end result?
It reminds me the old days when I played RPGs, and that was the time I first thought about my own growth. (If you do not understand what I mean, read Steve's "Life - The Ultimate Game".) It's very nice to grow your character from poor and weak one to real champion of the reality. It's funny, that when I finished "Daggerfall", where you can choose an ending by giving artifact to the powerful NPC person, I gave it to the necromancer, King of Worms, because he wanted to use it to become one of the Gods. In exchange, he says "I can offer you what no mortal can - fame. Your reputation will soar".
Seems that we understood each other well. I was so powerful that I could kill any humanoid easily (and ancient dark entities with some effort). I was so rich, that I could buy anything I want. Or to get it by force. What I needed was fame. So, the necromancer became one of the Gods, leaving "the Matrix" for me, with everyone respecting and loving me. That was the end result in my version of that reality.
Am I a darkworker? I've tried that path. But I have a lot of compassion, and pure power and fame in themselves are not satisfying. I want to be sure that everyone is happy. I like the Tolkien's image of Tom Bombadil character. Independent, mostly alone, ancient, powerful - and very kind and compassionate.
Seems like I'm mixing polarities. So, I think, when I'll get clarity, I'll be clear about what path to choose. J
(Do I have to choose? Maybe I should dismiss the whole concept of polarity as non-existent? Tom serves self and others both.)
So, for now, I think, that more is better than less, and to have is better than not to have. That's why I grow, I guess - to have a choice. Besides, I feel very powerful within, and I need to put that power into good use. And to talk to God, to validate my choise, to co-create the reality.
Interesting thoughts. But for now I just need knowledge. And that's why I want to be enlightened, as I call it.
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If this kind of essay seems too long, here's my resume:
I want to be enlightened because:
- I need the knowledge of reality to be able to consciously choose the path of my life.
- I want to know, what to do with my great power.  |