Dear, dear Single Dad -
I've mostly been reading and not posting here much of late but feel compelled, as one who's actually raised children to the status of adults, to offer some encouragement.
Right now you've been served the - "What? My kid's not perfect??? But this is MY kid! I did EVERYthing right! How is this possible?" - reality check. We all get it eventually. Even those of us that were certain decades ago that we knew every damn thing and we'd never screw up like all those other parents.
Technically I wasn't a single parent. I was married (but he had a brain injury and required more care than all the kids put together). And none of my three were porn stars (that I'm aware of) but I did deal with such things as teen pregnancy, alcohol/drug use, general drifting and lack of direction/responsibility, repeatedly dropping out of college, and calls in the middle of the night to bail someone out of jail. And like your daughter, every one of them was an honor roll student, active in church activities, leaders in sports and student government, participants in community service projects, yadda, yadda, yadda. Guess what? We all lived through it. In fact, I'd have to say we thrived through it. Today they are all responsible, self-supporting, focused, successful young adults. The kind of people I'd like to hang out with even if they weren't my kids!
My dear friend, you have been provided with the golden opportunity to truly learn the meaning of UNCONDITIONAL love. This is the only thing your daughter will be looking for from you. She hid this from you because she feared the very reaction you've shared with us here, judgement and conclusion jumping. Dharma's right - this is more about you and your reaction - which is the only thing you really have any control over - than it is your daughter's behavior.
Ponder on all the good advice here. Love her - with no strings attached, be a safe place for her to talk honestly, pray the angels protect her, and start letting go...
With much love and empathy -
Lola