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Originally Posted by Single Dad  Sorry about the blunt title, but I don't know how else to say it.
A few days ago I received an anonymous email telling me that my 20 year old daughter is a "porn star", along with a link to her pay adult website. I was shocked and devastated to say the least, as she has always been an exemplary child raised on Christian values.
Her mother died when she was 7, and I raised her and her little brother all by myself. I never even remarried, just so I could make sure that I was devoting all my time, energy, and resources to her and her brother. It was very difficult, but we made it through alright. Or so I thought.
She was a straight A student all through grade school, and even though her grades slipped a little bit in high school, she made it to college and has done very well for two years with a 3.5 GPA.
I couldn't be prouder of her, but now this. A very well designed adult website with thousands of pictures of my daughter in various stages of undressing, playing with sex toys, and making out with other girls.
She seems to be very popular in the "teen girls" genre of pornography, with many sites having pictures and links to her own website. A Google search with her stage name (which unfortunately is very similar to her real name) brings up 472,000 results. Some of the pictures I saw were stamped "Copyright 2005", which means she has been doing this for at least two years, since she turned 18 (and hopefully not before then).
I got this email on June 28, the day after she left on a 3-week trip to Europe with some of her college friends. I know she's indeed in Europe, because she's been emailing me pictures almost every day, but I just don't know how I'm going to react when she comes home.
She has always been the best daughter a father could ask for, and we have an amazing father-daughter relationship, but my heart is completely broken and I feel betrayed -- although for $29.95 a month she seems to be making a lot of dirty old men very happy.
The only "warning signs" have been financial. Since she started college, instead of asking for money like I always figured she would, she hasn't asked for anything. If I try to give her money she tells me to spend it on myself. She told me her scholarships were covering books and tuition, and that her part-time job in school was paying her very well, but I never imagined this is what she was doing.
She drives a brand new BMW valued at over $40,000...just about what I made last year. She told me her friend's father owns a BMW dealership in California and because of overstock she got a great long-term financing deal. And I actually believed her.
Anyway, besides her secret life, she has also lied to me about where she's getting her money, which is greatly contributing to my pain.
I am also worried about what else she could be doing (drugs, VDs, etc.) In my eyes she was still a virgin, and although I did not see her with any men in those pictures, she did have a lot of pictures with other girls, so I guess I can safely assume that she is no longer a virgin, and that she's probably also a lesbian.
I would like to ask for advice on how to handle this situation. I am very upset still, but I can't deny that I love her to death -- and I will completely forgive any mistakes she might have made in the past or might still be making -- but I want her to be safe and to become a productive member of society.
I don't know where else to turn about this. I can't tell my family because they might turn against her. And I can't tell my friends because they will immediately go sign up for her website. So I'm coming here with my dilema. |
First off, let me apologize. When I first started reading this post, I thought for sure it was a bit of spam, especially when I read this:
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A very well designed adult website with thousands of pictures of my daughter in various stages of undressing, playing with sex toys, and making out with other girls.
She seems to be very popular in the "teen girls" genre of pornography,
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Along with your description of her religious upbringing and the cost of membership, I thought for sure this was the sort of spam we see floating around our in-boxes every now and then.
But again, I apologize. You didn't post any link, nor did you post any information that would lead us to your daughter's site, so I guess it's pretty clear you're legitimate.
Secondly, let me say I'm sorry for the situation you're in. If I were in your position, I'd be devastated. But the advice given by Shamou and XeutonMojukai is good advice.
If you seriously object to her lifestyle, you might want to try asking her if she's happy with the way she's living her life. When you talk to her, talk nicely. But you may be able to help her deal with any internal misgivings she may have about her line of work.
But Shamou is right -- we bring our children into this world, but we do not control them. She is her own person.
Best wishes to you. My heart really does go out to you.