Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Heading for Divorce after 11 months-crying since this morning

Dharma · 07-03-2007, 03:44 AM

tweety17,

Take everything you said in your initial post and make it about you. Your problem will be obvious

I am extremely emotional and devastated. I and myself were up all night and early morning arguing about my relationship and where its headed and it boils down to the issue I have with myself.

Yes, it reads a little weird, but it's something called reflection. It works with any issue in life. It practically drops the answer in your lap. Here's more:

I moved myself (cats) to the basement so that I can avoid any fur, litter smell etc. I still complain that I smell myself ( the litter) and unfortunately I don't nor do any other selves. I know I am super sensitive so I clean myself (the litter) daily. So I said to choose me or myself. I made arrangements to have myself taken away (away to sister’s) and when I told me that I blew up again as I said that's not getting rid of the problem. I could not understand why I would say that as I am the problem and I am out of the picture. In talking further I mentioned that now it will be a bigger problem because now the rest of me will say "oh I’m allergic to myself and so got rid of myself." (background I have issues with me and 4 of my selves never accepted me)

This part requires a little symbolism. Cats typically are the unconscious self and a littler box is where you put your s**t. So you're telling yourself you are moving the unconscious parts of you that are being a problem into the basement of self. Typically we don't go in the basement much, so you're trying to take an issue that's mostly in your unconscious and bury it fully in your unconscious so you don't have to deal with it.

But it won't go away this time (you still smell it). You even told yourself quite explicitly "that's not going to fix the problem" and you should start looking at yourself for answers ("I am the problem").

And the last line their points to self-acceptance as being the issue.

I mentioned that I am on different paths. All I know is I don't want me to leave! I had asked me why I love me and why I should stay. I gave myself my reasons, #1 being I love me and that I love all my stories, my sensitivity, not afraid to stand up and ask questions, my directiveness, etc. but I guess that wasn't enough. I know I have problems in communicating as I do not like confrontations and I tend to mumble/jumble my words when in that situation or my mind goes blank and I end up saying nothing. Now I know why I go crazy and commit suicide in this type of situation

So look at this, there's part of you that loves you, is sensitive, not afraid, and is direct. I am talking about you here, not your husband. There is also a part that thinks you are a bad communicator, gets confused, and cannot handle confrontation. How can these two exist in one person? It's happening right now. You husband mirrors the part of you that is sitting in the unconscious, waiting to be expressed. He reflects all the things you think you're not and are in denial of.

I said I should take a few days to think things over but I know I won't change my mind as I have already indicated I have compromised a lot in this relationship.

So what have you compromised in this relationship? (the relationship with yourself) I can't be in this world with my expression? my assertiveness? my aggression? my reception of self? (I'm wrong for being the way I am.) And to top it off you feel a little righteous about it all ("I won't change my mind").

Counseling is a good move. Work on your expression and the story you have around it (why I feel I cannot express whatever it is I want to, why do I feel I'm not good at it?, what will happen if I express? do I fear what will come back?). What stories do you have around being direct and assertive?

07-03-2007, 03:44 AM	#11 (permalink)
Dharma Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: NM, USA Posts: 1,394	tweety17, Take everything you said in your initial post and make it about you. Your problem will be obvious I am extremely emotional and devastated. I and myself were up all night and early morning arguing about my relationship and where its headed and it boils down to the issue I have with myself. Yes, it reads a little weird, but it's something called reflection. It works with any issue in life. It practically drops the answer in your lap. Here's more: I moved myself (cats) to the basement so that I can avoid any fur, litter smell etc. I still complain that I smell myself ( the litter) and unfortunately I don't nor do any other selves. I know I am super sensitive so I clean myself (the litter) daily. So I said to choose me or myself. I made arrangements to have myself taken away (away to sister’s) and when I told me that I blew up again as I said that's not getting rid of the problem. I could not understand why I would say that as I am the problem and I am out of the picture. In talking further I mentioned that now it will be a bigger problem because now the rest of me will say "oh I’m allergic to myself and so got rid of myself." (background I have issues with me and 4 of my selves never accepted me) This part requires a little symbolism. Cats typically are the unconscious self and a littler box is where you put your s*t. So you're telling yourself you are moving the unconscious parts of you that are being a problem into the basement of self. Typically we don't go in the basement much, so you're trying to take an issue that's mostly in your unconscious and bury it fully in your unconscious so you don't have to deal with it. But it won't go away this time (you still smell* it). You even told yourself quite explicitly "that's not going to fix the problem" and you should start looking at yourself for answers ("I am the problem"). And the last line their points to self-acceptance as being the issue. I mentioned that I am on different paths. All I know is I don't want me to leave! I had asked me why I love me and why I should stay. I gave myself my reasons, #1 being I love me and that I love all my stories, my sensitivity, not afraid to stand up and ask questions, my directiveness, etc. but I guess that wasn't enough. I know I have problems in communicating as I do not like confrontations and I tend to mumble/jumble my words when in that situation or my mind goes blank and I end up saying nothing. Now I know why I go crazy and commit suicide in this type of situation So look at this, there's part of you that loves you, is sensitive, not afraid, and is direct. I am talking about you here, not your husband. There is also a part that thinks you are a bad communicator, gets confused, and cannot handle confrontation. How can these two exist in one person? It's happening right now. You husband mirrors the part of you that is sitting in the unconscious, waiting to be expressed. He reflects all the things you think you're not and are in denial of. I said I should take a few days to think things over but I know I won't change my mind as I have already indicated I have compromised a lot in this relationship. So what have you compromised in this relationship? (the relationship with yourself) I can't be in this world with my expression? my assertiveness? my aggression? my reception of self? (I'm wrong for being the way I am.) And to top it off you feel a little righteous about it all ("I won't change my mind"). Counseling is a good move. Work on your expression and the story you have around it (why I feel I cannot express whatever it is I want to, why do I feel I'm not good at it?, what will happen if I express? do I fear what will come back?). What stories do you have around being direct and assertive?