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Originally Posted by Lotus  *Are you putting out "something's wrong" vibes before, after, or during the times you make big changes? |
Perhaps. I typically get quiet when I'm working things out in my head (which can last for weeks), and it is sometimes perceived as "something is wrong," when maybe nothing is actually wrong, I'm just lost in my own thought. I never knowingly put out any sort of vibes before or during, only perhaps after when she reacts in a way that makes me question the strength of our relationship.
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Originally Posted by Lotus *Are you openly discussing what's going in your head with your gf before, during, and after these changes occur? Do you have generally open disscussion about everything, or do you avoid some topics with her (for any reason at all: she wouldn't be interested in that; that would start a fight; I already know her opinion of x, etc...) |
No, there are definitely topics I tend to avoid. Not just with her, but with most people. I am most definitely an introvert when it comes to things I consider personal. I'm generally outgoing otherwise. But short answer to this is no, I do not openly discuss what's going on during this time mostly because I've been afraid of her reaction (which, when I have opened up, was justified.) I feel that if I were to just ignore this fear, it could cost our relationship. More importantly, I wonder if this is something that is important enough to give up a relationship for?
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Originally Posted by Lotus *What kind of changes are you talking about? Did you suddenly become a vegetarian? Did you change or dump a formal religion? Did you go from "someday I want to get married" to "I'm never getting married"? Sorry to be nosy, but knowing the topic might help myself and others to comment better on the situation. |
I wouldn't consider the changes as major as what you've mentioned. It's mostly me just reading on a new topic (I'm studying Philosophy in university, so it happens pretty regularly) that causes me to perceive the world in a different way. The change is usually temporary, but with the occasional lasting effect. In the midst of the "change" I am typically more quiet and reserved than usual, which leads her to think, "something is wrong." I reassure her that nothing is wrong, that I'm just thinking about
whatever--speculating on the rabbit hole that was just opened up for me. I deeply want her to be involved with changes like this; I would love to have conversations with her about these things, but I've tried, and something is keeping us from communicating about it.
Thanks for the thoughts, Lotus.