Why would you need to be offensive or defensive?
In my experience, the need to be defensive often stems from the notion that many people have to maintain their "perfect person" image for the rest of the world. But here's the rub: if you only ever show your true colors, there's no need to be defensive - all people can do to you is say things that are true about you. Truth doesn't hurt.
Conversely, offensiveness often stems (in my opinion) from people's needs to prove that they are better than others. I.e. if you can bring someone else down with your offense, you'll feel better about yourself - for a little while at least. Forgo that need and you forgo the need to be offensive.
I've also found that the less defensive you are, the less offensive other people behave towards you. When there's no ammo people can attack with, there's little motivation to attack...
|