Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Heading for Divorce after 11 months-crying since this morning

tweety17 · 07-01-2007, 06:59 PM

I am extremely emotional and devastated. My husband and I were up all night and early morning arguing about our relationship and where its headed and it boils down to the issue he has with my two 15 year old cats.

About 6 months ago I moved the cats to the basement so that he can avoid any fur, litter smell etc. He still complains that he smells the litter and unfortunatley I don't nor do any other visitors to the house. I know he is super sensitive and so I clean the litter daily. So he said to choose him or the cats. I made arrangements to have my sister take the cats and when I told him that he blew up again as he said that's not getting rid of the problem. I could not understand why he would say that as the cats are the problem and they are out of the picture. In talking futher he mentioned that now it will be a bigger problem because now the rest of the family will say oh he's allergic to the cats and so got rid of them. (background we have issues with my family and him as my parents and a 4 of my sisters never accepted him even though I met him when I was 40)

Anyways we've known each other for 7 years now and prior to getting married last August we lived together for 3 years. I have heard that the 7th year is the toughest and I don't know why but I have to agree

I am so crushed to think that he has given up on this marriage. I asked if he would go to counseling and he said yes but he used to be a counselor so he said he doesn't know what it can do for our relationship. But he ended up packing a few things early this morning and left and all I have been doing is crying ever since.....

He mentioned that we are on different paths. All I know is I don't want him to leave! He had asked me why I love him and why should he stay. I gave him my reasons, #1 being I loved him and that I love all his stories, his sensitivity, not afraid to stand up and ask questions, his directiveness, etc. but I guess that wasn't enough. He knows I have problems in communicating as I do not like confrontations and I tend to mumble/jumble my words when in that situation or my mind goes blank and I end up saying nothing. Now I know why people go crazy and commit suicide in this type of situation

When he walked out the door he took my heart with him and our first year anniversary is August 15th...I don't know how I will survive this. He did call to see if I was okay and of course I told him I was devastated and he said he was too but he didn't want to go around the same circle again.

He said we both should take a few days to think things over but I know he won't change his mind as he has already indicated he has compromised alot in this relationship but I think we both have. I have sent him an email...seeing I really fall short on the communications end of things, and just laid it out on the line and told him how I feel and how I did not chose the cats over him and how I hope he would reconsider.

I apologize for all this babbling but I had to let it out.

07-01-2007, 06:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
tweety17 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 10	Heading for Divorce after 11 months-crying since this morning I am extremely emotional and devastated. My husband and I were up all night and early morning arguing about our relationship and where its headed and it boils down to the issue he has with my two 15 year old cats. About 6 months ago I moved the cats to the basement so that he can avoid any fur, litter smell etc. He still complains that he smells the litter and unfortunatley I don't nor do any other visitors to the house. I know he is super sensitive and so I clean the litter daily. So he said to choose him or the cats. I made arrangements to have my sister take the cats and when I told him that he blew up again as he said that's not getting rid of the problem. I could not understand why he would say that as the cats are the problem and they are out of the picture. In talking futher he mentioned that now it will be a bigger problem because now the rest of the family will say oh he's allergic to the cats and so got rid of them. (background we have issues with my family and him as my parents and a 4 of my sisters never accepted him even though I met him when I was 40) Anyways we've known each other for 7 years now and prior to getting married last August we lived together for 3 years. I have heard that the 7th year is the toughest and I don't know why but I have to agree I am so crushed to think that he has given up on this marriage. I asked if he would go to counseling and he said yes but he used to be a counselor so he said he doesn't know what it can do for our relationship. But he ended up packing a few things early this morning and left and all I have been doing is crying ever since..... He mentioned that we are on different paths. All I know is I don't want him to leave! He had asked me why I love him and why should he stay. I gave him my reasons, #1 being I loved him and that I love all his stories, his sensitivity, not afraid to stand up and ask questions, his directiveness, etc. but I guess that wasn't enough. He knows I have problems in communicating as I do not like confrontations and I tend to mumble/jumble my words when in that situation or my mind goes blank and I end up saying nothing. Now I know why people go crazy and commit suicide in this type of situation When he walked out the door he took my heart with him and our first year anniversary is August 15th...I don't know how I will survive this. He did call to see if I was okay and of course I told him I was devastated and he said he was too but he didn't want to go around the same circle again. He said we both should take a few days to think things over but I know he won't change his mind as he has already indicated he has compromised alot in this relationship but I think we both have. I have sent him an email...seeing I really fall short on the communications end of things, and just laid it out on the line and told him how I feel and how I did not chose the cats over him and how I hope he would reconsider. I apologize for all this babbling but I had to let it out.