Thanks all for your insights!
@Mark / somaziro: I do go out to meet other people. I've also had various dates with a lovely woman in the past month, but when those didn't pan out to anything more than friendship (due to unresolved issues in her past), I fell right back into this 'trap' I've built.
Perhaps part of the problem is that it's actually quite a nice trap to be in...
@Brutha: That's not hard at all, I can sit down at any time and fantasize about someone who is available. What is difficult however, is not having fantasies about this particular friend spring up on me when I least expect it - i.e. when I'm busy at work, etc.
@unicorn: Your comment resonated most with me, although I am not entirely sure why. I want to loose my independence - half the walls in my house are purposely empty. But, still, losing something is always scary - even if you also gain in the process.
I've been pondering about love and friendship a lot in the past week. Among other things, I've come to realize that how much love or friendship I give to someone is entirely up to me. It's my gift to give, with no strings attached.
(Naturally, I do plan to eventually share my life with someone who wants to give me some love too...)
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