Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Dating, Sex, Marriage, and Beyond - Conflicted, Deluded, Naïve, Scarred, Insecure

ellie · 06-30-2007, 02:19 PM

Hi there AlohaFromHawaii,

I totally can understand where you are coming from. Although I didn't read your whole post because I have a short attention span

This is a timely post for me and I was umming and areing if I should post, but well why the heck not, I need to get out of my own comfort zone. I think it's time for me to start being honest and deal with this issue as well.

I so can totally sympathise with where you are. I too am a virgin (27) (god this feels like I'm in a AA meeting) and well it's getting pretty embarrassing really. I don't know exactly why I have got to this point. I keep on thinking there must be something totally wrong with me, or something that happened to me that I don't remember to be in this position. For me I think it's a number of unfortunate circumstances in my life that has made me less trusting of people and men in general.

I grew up in a strict religion that drummed in the belief that sex before marriage was wrong. Fortunately, I grew some balls (ok not balls

) and separated myself from this religion, but by then I was already tainted. It also probably didn't help that I was a sensitive only child and could pick-up that my father didn't really love my mother and I also had my mother drumming it in my ears from an early age that "make sure you find someone that loves you more than you love them".

When I was growing I had lots of guys like me, but I just freaked out all the time. So instead of understanding, facing my fears I just continually run away and continue to do so, to this day. Now all I wish is I could find someone that I could just say "look this is how it is, help me get over this fear". I'm really don't want to end up like a 40 year old virgin or 30 year old one for that matter

Ah well at least I can still have a bit of a sense of humour on such a touchy subject for me.

This whole situation also probably had to do with not believing in myself and not believing that someone could actually really love me. I also have very high expectations of what I want, which in reality are probably very unrealistic but also probably a way for me to justify not getting into relationship. I'm also just down right scared and I tend to over analyse situations and I just think guys will think I’m weird – a girl that hasn’t has sex by 27 what’s wrong with her? I'm hoping though it's just liked my driving. I was so nervous when I first started to learn to drive that I nearly hyperventilated every time I drove, but then after about 6 goes (yes that’s right 6) I finally got my licence and stepped into an automatic and off I went and realised it wasn't such a big deal as I thought and now I drive everywhere

Hmm well this was not something I thought I would write about on here, and it probably wont help you too much Hawaii, but just know you’re not the only one. I know it’s much more difficult to broach or even deal with this subject when your over your mid 20’s.

06-30-2007, 02:19 PM	#15 (permalink)
ellie Family Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 2,432	I hear ya Hi there AlohaFromHawaii, I totally can understand where you are coming from. Although I didn't read your whole post because I have a short attention span This is a timely post for me and I was umming and areing if I should post, but well why the heck not, I need to get out of my own comfort zone. I think it's time for me to start being honest and deal with this issue as well. I so can totally sympathise with where you are. I too am a virgin (27) (god this feels like I'm in a AA meeting) and well it's getting pretty embarrassing really. I don't know exactly why I have got to this point. I keep on thinking there must be something totally wrong with me, or something that happened to me that I don't remember to be in this position. For me I think it's a number of unfortunate circumstances in my life that has made me less trusting of people and men in general. I grew up in a strict religion that drummed in the belief that sex before marriage was wrong. Fortunately, I grew some balls (ok not balls ) and separated myself from this religion, but by then I was already tainted. It also probably didn't help that I was a sensitive only child and could pick-up that my father didn't really love my mother and I also had my mother drumming it in my ears from an early age that "make sure you find someone that loves you more than you love them". When I was growing I had lots of guys like me, but I just freaked out all the time. So instead of understanding, facing my fears I just continually run away and continue to do so, to this day. Now all I wish is I could find someone that I could just say "look this is how it is, help me get over this fear". I'm really don't want to end up like a 40 year old virgin or 30 year old one for that matter Ah well at least I can still have a bit of a sense of humour on such a touchy subject for me. This whole situation also probably had to do with not believing in myself and not believing that someone could actually really love me. I also have very high expectations of what I want, which in reality are probably very unrealistic but also probably a way for me to justify not getting into relationship. I'm also just down right scared and I tend to over analyse situations and I just think guys will think I’m weird – a girl that hasn’t has sex by 27 what’s wrong with her? I'm hoping though it's just liked my driving. I was so nervous when I first started to learn to drive that I nearly hyperventilated every time I drove, but then after about 6 goes (yes that’s right 6) I finally got my licence and stepped into an automatic and off I went and realised it wasn't such a big deal as I thought and now I drive everywhere Hmm well this was not something I thought I would write about on here, and it probably wont help you too much Hawaii, but just know you’re not the only one. I know it’s much more difficult to broach or even deal with this subject when your over your mid 20’s.