I have two responses:
The first is an echo of something someone said earlier, but my second read-through of the thread missed it, so, ehm, yes:
Forget.
You're over-analyzing your past and making it harder for you to move on. Stop remembering. I recently read Phillip Zimbardo talking about the need to balance the past, present, and future perspectives. With regards to relationships, you have an overemphasized focus on the past; someone with a balanced perspective wouldn't be able to remember as much as you have. In the future, there is possibility. The immediate opportunities presented by attractive girls who you could call up or say hello to tomorrow. In the future, there are dreams, of marriage, of sex, of cross-country adventures for the hell of it.
Let it go. Move on. See what's in front of you. Dream.
The second is another general remark:
Don't assume.
There is a dating etiquette. It doesn't apply to you. No one cares about it. If you ever hear any advice, ignore it. Do what seems right based on the situation. If you do something that no one else does, and she likes it, you score points. Maybe you'll level up, too.
She's not interested in you. She's also interested in you. Why? Who the hell knows? That's beside the point. Are you interested in her? Okay, then go sell yourself to her. Give her reasons to be interested. If she's still not interested, then let it go. Forget about it; you have finite time and finite energy, spend it on a better prospect.
You're probably right about your problems and how messed up you are. Or you're not. Can you tell? No. So act as if you don't have any problems. You're fine, you'll do fine, continue.
That's worth repeating as a conclusion.
You're fine. You'll do fine. Continue. As I've said many times before, everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, then it's not the end. You decide what the end is. You decide what it means for things to work out. You decide if it's over, or if it's worth pursuing. And when you decide, you're right, because it's your call.
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